Then pick himself up, dust himself down and get on with LIVING HIS BEST LIFE.

Same as everybody else.

Yeah.

Put all those pesky feelings to good use.

Because if you won’t let yourself feel the bad stuff, you automatically lose the ability to experience the good.

You become zombie-fied.

Tap, tap, tap …

I am king of my own …

Charles is currently feeling:

Absolutely fucking terrified.

Let. Me. Get. The. Hell. Out. Of. Here.

Avigail has a fair idea, though (a fair idea of what might be ‘good for Charles’). Avigail would be able to summarise her extensive theories on this matter in approximately six, long, heavily claused sentences (à la Denny Neale). One of those sentences would definitely contain the colloquial phrase ‘a good kick up the arse’.

And Ying Yue?

What does Ying Yue think might be ‘good for Charles’?

That would be hard to say.

Ying Yue thinks Teflon is a variety of apple, after all.

Although in an alternate universe Teflon may actually be a variety of apple.

And commas may seriously endanger lives.

Uh-huh.

Think: tiny, (Ka-boom! ) grammatical hand grenades.

9.

PROCRASTINATORS UNITE!

Denny Neale actually has a teddy bear stuffed down the back of his dungarees. It is his teddy bear (um … morally speaking). It belongs to him (um … ethically speaking). It has been paid for, in advance. It is a teddy bear that he – Denny Neale – commissioned from Charles over eighteen months ago and Charles has refused to part with it, even though Denny Neale has sent him a succession of pleading letters/emails (and some threatening letters/emails), none of which has Charles read because Charles is officially In Hiding From Reality.

The teddy bear in question is dressed like a goth. Its beautiful, little costume has been fashioned (by Charles) from an old, Damned T-shirt and a pair of black German-issue military combats once owned and worn by Denny Neale’s former lover/partner Samson Horny (this was not his given name) who worked for many years as a second-hand CD seller in the thriving coastal town of Abersoch on the Llyn Peninsula.

‘Excuse me,’ Avigail suddenly interrupts.

(As it happens, nobody is currently speaking, since Ying Yue is still hugging Charles – while bouncing – and Charles is still feeling complete astonishment at being hugged –

Yes. Charles is feeling:

Astonished.

Delighted.

Mortified.

Invaded.

Overwhelmed.

Ridiculous.

and Denny Neale isn’t currently speaking either – he is choosing not to answer Charles’s slightly clumsy question about how long he has been blind for, remember? – because he is presently too preoccupied with debating how the heck he is going to get out of this stupidly tiny room which is now stuffed with three other people; and can’t he hear yet another – a fourth person? – talking loudly in Chinese in some distant corner of the house?)

‘Excuse me,’ Avigail repeats, ‘but would you mind telling me what actually became of the oyster shell?’

This question appears to be addressed to Ying Yue.