That’s weird!

What mean could this the hell?

Charles has been busily trying to ‘feel the feels’ (as Grannon so delightfully and seductively puts it). He has been distracted.

68.9 per cent distracted.

Emotions are very time/energy/thought-consuming things.

But …

Huh?!

He snaps to attention.

Ooh. What story is Charles living now about this situation?

Bailiff? Feline madness? Earthquake?

Well, whatever the story Charles is living now about this situation –

Poltergeist?

– it is 99.9 per cent unlikely that his story (creative as he undoubtedly is, inventive as he undoubtedly is) involves a fiercely intelligent, immaculately attired, twenty-three-year-old Ethiopian professional carer called Gyasi ‘Chance’ Ebo riffling furiously though his teddy bear collection.

Because that’s the story we are living now about this situation.

Not Charles.

Because that’s the story.

But hey.

*emoji of shrugging person*

Charles quickly jinks past Ying Yue (who – traumatised by her mother’s rudeness – is displacing her anxiety into holding her breath and inspecting a cracked kitchen floor tile) and charges out of the room towards the kerfuffle.

Avigail turns to follow Charles.

There are now approximately 4.12 minutes remaining of this house viewing.

Morpheus (meanwhile) has sneaked his way into the spare bedroom (someone has left the door open) and is taking an illicit dump in the oversized plant pot of a large, slightly yellowing Calathea Whitestar. He is thinking about cheese, even now. Even as he strains. But then Morpheus is always thinking about cheese, near enough.

Morpheus is focused.

Morpheus is calm.

Morpheus is goal-driven.

Morpheus is ‘getting shit done’.

Go, Morpheus.

We apologise, in advance, for the brief Interruption …

… but it is necessary at this moment in the novella (henceforth referred to as I Am Sovereign) to warn the reader that Nicola Barker (henceforth referred to as The Author) has been granted absolutely no access to the thoughts and feelings of the character Gyasi ‘Chance’ Ebo (henceforth referred to as The Subject). At his inception, The Subject seemed not only a willing, but an actively enthusiastic participant in the project, yet after several weeks of engagement became increasingly cynical and uncooperative, to the point of threatening to withdraw from the enterprise altogether if The Author deigned to encroach, unduly, upon his ‘interior life’.

For this reason, where possible, The Author has attempted (with The Subject’s permission) to side-step his wanton opacity by ‘calmly theorising’ on The Subject’s possible feelings/thoughts/motivations and then transcribing these ideas into the text using an entirely different font (the standard font is Baskerville. The Subject has requested AMERICAN TYPEWRITER as an alternative for the chapters in which he is to be heavily featured. AMERICAN TYPEWRITER was agreed upon after lengthy consultations with The Subject. The Author should make it plain that AMERICAN TYPEWRITER is a font that does not permit the use of italicisation, something that she worries – in the light of her ebullient ‘style’ – may ultimately be inhibiting to the feel and flow of I Am Sovereign. If this is indeed the case, The Author apologises – again – unreservedly).