So tall!

Ying Yue is impressed by everyone. But at this precise moment in time she is impressed by Charles.

Charles?

Charl-sss?

Cha-ruls?

What Char-uls do now?

Huh?

Why Char-uls tapping-tapping-tapping his finger so much?

Arthritis?

How interesting!

Splitter-splatter old fat stains on the ceiling.

Pinched toe in shoe.

Hmm.

Could save cheese if cut off mouldy bit, maybe?

Ying Yue peers around her, myopically (Ying Yue is not short-sighted, but she affects short-sightedness because objects in the world are often very surprising to her – door! hand! kitchen blind! – and she needs to protect herself from the shock of it all). Ying Yue is looking for a sharp knife. Ying Yue sees a blunt butter-style knife on the draining board. She grabs it. She then opens the lid of the bin (manually) and reaches deep inside. She feels around for a while. She finally locates the pat of cheese (which – due to its weight – has fallen to the bottom of the bin). Ying Yue carries the cheese (a medium-strength Tesco own-brand Cheddar) to the counter and pushes a couple of objects out of the way (a new copy of JapanEasy by Tim Anderson, a new pair of black, silicone, mini-mitt-style oven gloves). Ying Yue opens the packet, removes the small block of cheese and carefully chops the mouldy segment off, then tosses it into the bin, returns the non-mouldy remainder back to its bag, seals it, picks it up, delightedly, and presents it to Char-uls.

Char-uls takes the proffered cheese. Ying Yue beams and bows.

Charles is unsure of what to do next.

What is the appropriate form of behaviour/response when a visitor to your home throws away something from your fridge and then retrieves it again from the bin and returns it to you, proudly (sans mould)?

‘I like cheese,’ Charles says, limply.

Charles might as well have said, ‘Whistle hairpin kangaroo.’

It’s just noise. It’s just some idiotic syllables tumbling out of his mouth after a brief flirtation with his brain, his voice box and his tongue.

‘Me too!!’ Ying Yue applauds Char-uls. The man is a genius!

Ying Yue is bewitched by Char-uls. Right this very minute. While her eyes are fixed upon him. Bewitched!

In thirty seconds’ time Ying Yue will be bewitched by a cracked floor tile which from a certain angle looks like a mountain being struck by a bolt of lightning.

Although – to be perfectly honest – Ying Yue doesn’t actually like cheese that much. But she is willing to like cheese if Char-uls likes cheese. Charles doesn’t actually like cheese all that much, either. But he couldn’t think of anything else to say. And Ying Yue is so delighted by Charles’s profession of ‘like’ for cheese that Charles is almost willing to believe that he does like cheese.

The creature in the house who authentically likes cheese is Morpheus who in actual fact loves cheese and this is why Charles buys cheese and uses it to create a malleable and edible yeasty shell around the assorted tablets (Tenormin, Inderal, Dilacor XR) used in the treatment of his Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. What Charles doesn’t know is that Morpheus suffers from Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy simply because he wants cheese so badly. Charles’s mother, Branimira, always fed Morpheus cheese. For Morpheus, cheese represents Branimira’s love.