So here we were, finally, and I held my truth: the truth of how much the Program had gotten to me; the truth of sacrificing two people so I could make it home without stopping to save even the youngest of them; the truth of all the moments I had hesitated, waiting on Mitch, hoping he would come with me, even when it put my family at risk. I held it all in one long, shameful scroll, and then I started folding, right there with Rose’s hands on my cheeks, her smile exposing every tooth and crinkling up her dark eyes. I folded it over and over until it was tiny, until I could roll it down the insides of my ribs like a papier-mâché ball—one at a time, a bony staircase—and into the pocket below my heart, black and wet and empty till now. I had a secret. One day maybe I’d write it on a napkin, or I’d tell it at the fire, or maybe I’d expire with it there, soaking up my blood, swimming in my dreams, expanding until it made breathing impossible and I died in the pines like my brother, one shoe off, curled up like a fiddlehead. But I wouldn’t speak it, not today.

“We had an opening, and we took it.”

“We?”

“My brother, Mitch. He was with me. He…isn’t anymore.”

She squeezed both my hands, and we stayed there a moment, just that small connection, and it was enough for now.

✦✦✦ ✦✦✦ ✦✦✦

We rejoined the group and walked on until we came to a grove of dead trees, all of them tumbled to the ground and in different stages of decay. It was at the top of a gradual hill, so we could see the messy patchwork of fields all around us.

“Farmland. And I can smell salt in the air. Must be getting close to the ocean,” Chi Boy said, softly bouncing the baby on his shoulder.

Miig shook his head. “I think that’s just wishful thinking.”

“Not too much, you’ll make her spit up,” Wab called. Rose was helping her get cleaned up with the supplies she had in her overstuffed backpack. She was speaking again, which was a good sign, though she couldn’t take her eyes off the baby, not for a second.

“I got her, don’t worry.” Chi Boy could barely stop smiling, even now. He couldn’t stop marveling at the perfect beauty of his baby’s face.

“I’ll take first watch,” I told him. “You have your hands full.” I touched the back of my hand to the sleeping baby’s side. She was warm and she was breathing, and that was enough for now.

I walked the perimeter of the hill while the others tried their best to set up a camp for the night. Some of the wood was dry enough for a small fire. We didn’t have much hope of a hunt, so when Nam pulled a packet of dry noodles and a full bottle of water from their bag, everyone cheered. I watched Rose as I walked, too far away to hear her, memorizing every move she made as she spoke. She talked with her hands a lot. I’d never noticed before now.