He paused for a moment. “I do.”

And even though I knew he knew, hearing him say it hit me like a rock to the face.

“I also know you only did what you had to do to get to us, to keep us safe.” His eyes hadn’t moved from the path ahead, the rest of the smaller family walking in front of us. We were at a loss, always at a loss.

“But what if I could have done more? Or less, I suppose?” I was edging on panic again. It was always so close by. “What if I’d just stayed and found another way, or even if I hadn’t? What if I’d just refused? How can I live with this, with what I did? It’s too heavy.”

He slowed down to match my gait. All I could feel was Sunny’s small hand in mine. All I could see was Sunny’s eyes on me.

“Frenchie, weight is what holds you to the ground, to this ground. Otherwise, you might just blow away. And it can be unbearable unless you remember that our ancestors are there not just to pile onto the load you carry, but also to shoulder some of the weight.”

I concentrated on my breath. In and out. In and out.

“When should I tell the others the truth?” It was barely a whisper, but he heard me.

“That’s not for now. For now, we have to move. For now, you’ll carry this alone. No one else can take that on right now. We’ve lost too much, and now we have a new life that needs all of our attention.” He motioned with his lips to Wab and the baby. “So for now, it’s only yours. Maybe you need that weight right now. So you don’t blow away.”

The sun was getting low in the expansive sky. Soon we’d have to stop, and we barely had enough supplies for another day. I heard what he was saying, that there were more pressing matters to worry about. Then I remembered something else.

“Miig, what was Minerva’s last name?”

“Why?”

“Just thinking. Do you know it?”

“Yes, she was an Eliot.”

I felt that knowledge in my spine, the understanding of it mapping out the contours of the very lattice that let me walk straight. I spoke the words on the napkin out loud.

“I am still Marguerite Eliot. I will always be Marguerite Eliot. Tell my mother that I am alive. She is an Elder and needs help…”

“What?”

“Her daughter, has to be. It’s a message from Minerva’s daughter. She’s being held at the school.” Once I said it out loud, I knew it as fact. “It has to be her.”

Miig was quiet for a moment. He rubbed his chin, his eyes getting bright. Then he reached out and put a hand on my shoulder. “Then we have one more reason to survive. One more responsibility to take care of.”

“We need to get through this so we can help the others, too,” I said out loud. “The ones I had to…the ones I brought in.”