‘Because she keeps laughing at me. Every time we walk back from school she laughs at me. And she keeps beating me at cards; she enjoys winning. She’s going to cook for me, just to show off.’

‘This woman who doesn’t like you… is cooking for you?’

‘Tonight. She disturbs me. Sometimes I can’t think about anything else.’

‘She’ll be stealing your blazer next. Wait a sec.’ Benny fumbled in her bag and pulled out the list, which she took a quick peep at beneath table level.

Things Not To Let Me Do

1: Commit suicide, if for some reason I want to.

2: Do physical harm to anyone, if you’re aware of it.

3: Eat meat, if you can.

4: Eat pears. I hate pears, I don’t want to wake up and taste that.

5: Leave the area, or you, behind.

6: Get involved in big sociopolitical events.

7: Hurt animals, especially owls.

8: Develop an addiction.

9: Anything impossible.

Benny looked up from the document, shaking her head. ‘Well, all I can say is, if you’re going to do that sort of thing, be careful.’

‘Careful? What do you mean?’

‘You ought to, erm, make sure you’re safe,’ Benny whispered, glancing around at the other tables.

‘Safe? Oh, I see what you mean. There’s no need.’

‘Isn’t there?’

‘No, we never bet much at whist. A wine gum here, a shilling there…’

‘I’m not talking about whist!’ Benny lowered her voice. ‘Listen, don’t you think this behaviour, on both your parts, is a bit odd?’

‘Oh yes, that’s why I mentioned it. I wish she’d stop.’

‘Do you?’

‘Well…’ Smith’s face clouded. ‘No, not really. I think I’d miss it if she stopped now.’

‘Oh my God…’ Benny rubbed her eyes tiredly. ‘Are you sure this is a good idea?’

‘What?’

Benny sighed and glanced up at the sky. Well, perhaps it wouldn’t do any harm. In this era, they’d need to be married a year and have a signed note from both parents before they could even snog, and they only had three weeks. She ought to just let him enjoy the attention. ‘Nothing. You’re obviously just very good friends and colleagues, and should cook, play whist and disturb each other’s emotions as much as you think fit.’

‘Oh. Do you really think so?’

He looked so downcast that Benny had to smile. ‘Still confused?’

‘More so.’

‘Your round, isn’t it?’

They talked about the cricket team, Smith quickly exhausting Benny’s knowledge of this peculiar game in his quest to clarify the rules. He briefly alluded to the Boudicca incident, and Tim’s subsequent appeal, but made them sound so everyday that Benny could only mutter about not liking school that much herself. There followed a few questions about her return to Newnham, which she dodged, and about the current health and activities of her father, Smith’s brother Jonathan.