He paused then tossed the tiny nail file to one side. ‘Very well. Wait here.’ He wagged his finger at me. ‘And no stealing my teleportation.’

‘It’s not a conscious thing!’ I protested. ‘I don’t know how to stop myself from stealing people’s Gifts.’

He pursed his lips. ‘Walk over there and turn around.’

Maybe a bit of distance between us would work, although it hadn’t with that old Carnegie flower-growing woman. I emptied my mind of thoughts of teleportation and Bob and fixated on the ground. The snow was different here to up in the mountains near Oban; it seemed coarser and more crystalline. I knelt down and traced my name on the surface with my gloved finger.

‘Vanity is a terrible sin,’ Bob said in my ear.

I jumped about half a metre. ‘Did you have to creep up on me like that? And why haven’t you left yet?’

He looked at me smugly. ‘I left, I saw, I came back. And all so that you can conquer.’ He jumped off my shoulder and landed in the snow, sending up a spray of it towards my face.

‘Et tu Brute,’ I grunted.

‘Don’t you want to know where to go?’ he asked.

‘Yes.’

‘Then say it.’

‘Say what?’

He tutted. ‘Pretty please with a side order of chocolate-dipped cherries and Princess Leia in a gold bikini dropping them into my mouth.’

‘I’m not saying that.’

‘I thought you liked science fiction.’

‘I do, but that is stupid. Just tell me which direction to go in. We’re wasting time.’

‘Okay. I’ll tell you where to go if you put on a gold bikini and wear it back at the cabin when we return. You have to put your hair into giant ear muffs as well.’

‘She didn’t have that hair style when she wore the gold bikini.’

Bob shrugged. ‘Those are my terms. And don’t get any ideas about why I’m asking for this. It’s not because I’ve got the hots for you, it’s because I enjoy ritual humiliation.’

I crossed my arms. ‘At least you’re honest.’

He smiled at me. ‘Promise.’

I could not believe I was doing this. ‘Fine,’ I snapped.

He held his hand up to his ear. ‘I didn’t hear that exactly. What will you do?’

I pictured Bob strung up on a tree and being attacked by a million midges. ‘I promise to wear a gold bikini.’

‘And the hair?’

‘And I will put my hair in giant ear muffs.’

He grinned. ‘Thank you!’ He flew up and hugged me. Considering his arms didn’t go round my neck, it was more like having a small, damp snowball thrown at me.

‘Bob,’ I said. ‘Which way?’

He peeled himself off. ‘North!’ He pointed.

I peered ahead. I couldn’t see anything. ‘You’re sure?’

‘Uh Integrity…’

‘Fine, fine. I’m going.’ And with that, I started jogging. I had to make up for lost time.

*

The wanker who had left me was smarter than I’d given him credit for. After twenty minutes of maintaining a good pace, I realised that I’d been travelling up a light slope. Thanks to a trick of perception, when I reached the top the hills I was aiming for were suddenly visible. Without Bob’s help I’d probably have set off in the opposite direction – and doing that might have killed me. I’d have to be on my guard; it wouldn’t take long for them to realise that their ploy hadn’t worked. Until I caught up with some of the other stragglers, I was alone – and therefore at risk. So much for simply climbing up an ice wall or two before triumphantly collecting my flag and emerging victorious. At this rate, I’d be grateful to emerge alive.