‘Watch, now,’ Bimbo said, delighted. He drew the katana from its scabbard. He held it up and out. The sword wobbled a bit. Bimbo tried to reproduce the fine arc the young man had cut in the air but swung loosely and at the apex of his swing the katana almost jumped free of his grasp.

Softly sprang up off his stool.

‘Watch where you’re flittering that thing,’ he said.

‘I am watching,’ Bimbo said defensively, and slid the sword back into its scabbard.

The clubhouse door opened. Two men entered. The first man had his arm raised and was holding out a set of keys like they were a dead mouse.

‘Some cretin left his keys in the middle of the car park and they’d be still there only I trod on them getting out of the car,’ he announced.

‘It appears Derek is here,’ said the second man to the first. ‘It appears them two gentlemen over there are sitting on top of him.

‘Of course they are,’ said the man with the keys.

It was clear the two men were related to the young man with the sword. They had the same gangling cuts to their bearing and the same shining, disconnected look in their eyes. The second man was holding a golf club, a driver with a big, solid head.

Denise walked up to the first man.

‘Give here,’ she said. ‘They belong to us.’

The man drew the keys close to his chest, considered them.

‘These are the keys to a Mondeo,’ he said. ‘What sort of reckless idiot is dropping the keys to a Mondeo out in an empty car park? Believe me, I’ll take the Mondeo off your hands if you’re that fed up with it.’

‘The keys were pegged out there,’ Denise said. ‘I am here with a big giant manbaby and it was the manbaby went and pegged the keys out the door about five minutes ago in a fit of temper.’

‘Do not call me a manbaby,’ Softly said.

‘You mean to say that lad purposefully pegged the keys to a Mondeo out into the car park?’ said the first man.

‘Thank you for picking them up,’ Denise said, her hand out.

‘Well I honestly don’t know if the kind of person who would do a thing like that merits having their keys returned to them,’ the first man said.

‘I would entirely agree,’ Denise said, ‘only I need them keys to get home. The manbaby can walk, for all I care.’

‘I SAID THAT’S OUR LITTLE BROTHER YOU’VE YOUR HOLES PARKED ON,’ the man with the club roared in the direction of Rory and Eustace.

The young ­man – ­Derek – had more or less stopped thrashing and was lying limply beneath the brothers’ substantial behinds.

‘To be fair, there’s a very good reason for this arrangement,’ Eustace said.