He crossed his arms on his chest. “Why won’t you tell me?”

“Because it’s not a big deal,” I lied, not having a problem lying to Merry. I’d essentially been doing it, hiding my feelings for him, for years.

The anger seeped out of his features, gentle chasing in after it.

Shit, fuck.

God, he was so handsome, it hurt.

And that evidence right there, that he was a good man…

That…

It killed.

“Cher, babe, whatever’s goin’ down, you are not alone.”

He meant to be nice. He meant to be cool.

But his words made the anger race right back because I wasn’t; he was right.

And yet, I so was and I so would be, always and forever.

“You do not know what you’re fuckin’ talking about,” I bit out.

“You got friends. You got people who’ll look out for you,” he returned. “Me bein’ one of them.”

“Yeah?” I asked sarcastically, and I was so angry, the wince of hurt that hit his face didn’t touch me.

“Fuck. Yeah, Cher. Absolutely,” he said softly.

I nodded. “Right. Okay. Good to know. So…” I lifted the envelope. “This is three and a half grand from my recovering junkie ex, who took off the day after I told him he’d knocked me up with Ethan, stealing all the money I had with me. Didn’t see his ass again until he got clean and got himself a wife, Peg out there.” I jerked my head to the door. “Now, you bein’ a detective and all, you’d eventually put this together, but I’ll save you the effort. See, Peg, she likes control. Peg, she likes to call the shots. Peg, she’s a woman who knows how the world should be and how it shouldn’t. So Peg’s old man’s got a kid from another bitch, a bitch who used to be a stripper and fucked a serial killer, and Peg’s decided that kid needs to be in a good home, that bein’ hers.”

“Holy fuck,” he whispered.

“Yeah,” I spat. “So she’s settin’ it all up.” I waved the envelope in the air. “Settin’ me up to take me down. Do whatever she can to take the only good thing I did in this life away from me.”

He took a step toward me, murmuring a gentle, “Cher.”

And, God, that hurt too, the sting so killer, it injected poison in my bloodstream, having his gentle Cher but knowing I’d never really have it.

I turned the envelope his way to ward him off and he stopped.

I spoke.

“To fight her, I’ll need to call on Colt. Again. Feb. Again. Jack and Jackie. Again. I’ll need to explain again why I was taken in by Lowe. More will go down, askin’ good people who look out for me to keep doin’ it, all this takin’ money I can’t afford to fight it. But the bottom line is, Ethan’ll be dragged through it. The Denny Lowe shit will resurface. Ethan might get it at school. He might lose friends. And straight up, my history is such a big pile of stinking crap, Colt could convince the president to come and stand as a character witness to my mothering skills and I’d still lose my kid. So yeah, Merry, I know I got friends. I know people will look out for me. I know you’re one of ’em. But that does not mean I am not still very, very alone.”