Joey crossed her arms. “Don’t think anyone has a choice about it now.”

“Balls,” Michelle said dejectedly.

“Not into them.”

Michelle smiled wanly.

“Lead on,” she said as she turned to face Billy Ray. “But first you’ve got to feed me.”

Babel was standing at a fold-out table. Behind her, flat-screen TVs took up part of the wall.

“Have a seat,” Barbara said. There were circles under her eyes, and she looked exhausted. “Have you had something to eat and drink?”

Michelle nodded. She held up the water bottle in her left hand and the sandwich in her right. It was her fifth bottle of water since she’d gotten to the Cosmodrome. She felt as if she could drink five more.

She hoped Billy Ray would help her put some fat on later. In the past, he’d been happy to beat the shit out of her. It was part of their history.

What if I can’t take a punch without it hurting anymore? she thought with a surge of panic.

“We have some intel from Mollie about what’s happening inside the zone, but we were hoping you could give us a better idea of exactly what’s going on,” Barbara said.

“Yeah, I imagine Mollie isn’t a reliable narrator,” Michelle said. She took a bite from her sandwich and began talking as she chewed. “From what Joey said, she’s pretty unstable. And if Joey’s face is any barometer there’s no doubt about that.” She gave a hollow laugh, grabbed a folding chair, and sat down. The metal was cold against her ass.

“I’d like to tell you more, but at some point things become fuzzy.” She was dancing around what she’d done to Aero now. Trying to distance herself from what had happened. Trying to get away from her murderous glee.

“I wasn’t me anymore,” she continued. “I no longer had control over anything. We all lost control of ourselves.” Yes, that was it. Share the blame. “And it wasn’t just us going mad. The city is changing for the worse by the second. I can tell you that however bad you think it is in there, you can’t imagine how much more awful it is.”

Michelle wasn’t going to tell them about Aero. She hadn’t seen Earth Witch or Recycler or Doktor Omweer after Joey had brought her back. They were the only ones who could tell what had happened.

It was her burden to bear. She had so much shame and guilt. But you liked it. It felt good. You could do what you wanted. And the blood. You bathed in the blood. You barely wiped it off your hands.

She thought she was going to vomit.