I have debated whether to include what happened next. As I have written, this account is for my children. My husband knows what happened, but I have never revealed this incident to anyone else. When I finish this portion, I’ll show it to him for his opinion.

I am still ashamed to admit it, but after my fight with the man I had come to respect and even admire (except when he lost his moccasins gambling), I decided The People were finally as tired of me as I was of myself. Like a child, I wanted to whole ugly business to end.

One bright spot was that a beautiful day followed the drizzle and we all perked up. You know what I mean, September days so warm and sunny that you forget for a while that Thanksgiving is less than eight weeks away. As we started out, I remember watching great flocks of birds flying south in wedges. The sun was warm on my face, and I felt like I was finally drying out after days of rain.

Even better, Hawk traded some ammunition for jerky, so we had a side dish to the usual breakfast water. As we finished, Poker Joe took Hawk aside for a conversation that seemed to involve glances at me. They rode away together shortly after the day’s march began.

They returned when the sun was high with the welcome information that they had located a white man who assured them he would take me in. He told Hawk and Poker Joe that he had a wife and child nearby at Bowles Trading Post, and it wouldn’t be any trouble to help out.

“We will take you to him,” Poker Joe said. “His heart is good.”

“Why didn’t he come here with you?” I asked, even as Blue Mountain Woman looked away at the news of my leaving, hopefully because she was going to miss me and didn’t want to show it, and not relieved that I was on my way.

“We asked him to come with us,” Hawk explained, “but he thought it would be more prudent of he stayed out of sight.” He looked around him at the others and lowered his voice. “Some of The People would not be happy in their hearts to see a white man right now.”

I understood that, but the scheme bothered me more than a little. I strongly suspect The People wanted to see me gone, but I knew I was going to miss Blue Mountain Woman, and maybe Poker Joe. As for Hawk, I knew I had embarrassed him yesterday, with my whining and shouting. If it was any consolation, I didn’t like myself, either.