I don't, so I shrug. I've had anxiety, of course. That moment before you go into battle when all your adrenaline's pumping and every system in your body is on edge. The thing is, though, I can turn that to my advantage. I don't get scared of it, but instead I greet it. I tune into it and let all the heightened sensations guide me. That's the thing about people, we all react to stimulus so differently.

“When you get really, seriously, bad anxiety, you can't think straight.” Carolina runs her fingers through her hair, teasing out some of the waves. “It's like you don't know what to do first. Your brain can't focus on a course of action. All there is, is this anxiety and panic churning inside you. Your heart's going too fast, and you can't quite catch your breath, and everything feels too much. It's overwhelming. I'm going to be more useless to you feeling the way I do right now, all churned up inside like something eating away at me, than I am a little buzzed. Some wine isn't going to harm me, but this absolute fuckery that I'm feeling right now is what's going to stop me from being able to react.”

She starts to pace. “I literally can't bear feeling like this. It's like I want to tear my skin off. I'm trapped in this house waiting. My Daddy is at risk too. All we can do is sit around and wait while what? While people leave dead rats on my step? Threaten my father with his life. I've already had to stop work, so I don't have that distraction. My relationship fell apart too this week, and I can’t do a damn thing about that either.” She shakes her head and blows out an exasperated breath. “Although that wasn't anything to do with this, it still sucks. My ex is an absolute idiot, and I’m better off without him, but I’d like to give him a piece of my mind, and the bitch he cheated with, who, by the way, works with me.” She laughs, and it holds a worrying tinge of hysteria. “I fantasized about making her look like a cheap slut in front of everyone at work, but I can’t because I can’t go into my job. It's all falling apart, and I don't know how to deal with it. Everyone thinks I'm so together. Oh Carolina, she's so calm. They don't know the half of it. Well, now, you get to deal with the messy side of me. That's your job, right? You’re the babysitter. Well tough—tonight you got the brat.”

She hits the wall with the flat of her palm and screams. “I’m a fucking mess, Samuel, and I don’t think a pillow fight is going to cut it. So excuse me if I take my wine to bed and drink it like the big girl I am.”