“Overwhelming?”

“Confusing.” He was digging his hole now with two shovels.

“Well that’s reassuring. That you’re overwhelmed with confusion.”

“That’s not what I said. That’s not what I meant.”

I stared at him, decided to keep going while I had the chance. “So if Adrienne and Terrance get involved—start dating—when she moves here, will it bother you? Overwhelm you with confusion?”

“Of course not. I mean, that’s why we invited him, isn’t it? So that she could have someone to go out with socially. She doesn’t know a soul here, she said.”

Right. Mary Tyler Moore making her way in the big city.

Adrienne didn’t know a soul, except for Donald, and me, and now Gayle and Fran and Terrance.

“So you won’t get jealous.”

“Jealous? Absolutely not.”

“Really.” I rolled my eyes. “I find that very hard to believe.”

“Look.” Donald slammed one hand down on the counter, then ran the other hand through his hair. It seemed he’d finally had enough of this line of questioning from which no good would ever come: there was only so long you could get sucked into a discussion about your ex without inadvertently stepping on a mine field. He knew it was only a matter of time (minutes; seconds) before the whole thing really blew up in his face; he had to shut me down now. “Our relationship, hers and mine, was a long time ago. A very long time ago. I only wish the best for her. I only want her to be happy.”

I looked at him, suspicious of his magnanimity. “Why?”

“Because. The happier she is, the happier we are.”

I said nothing.

“Am I right?”

I shrugged.

He looked at me, took my hand, held it. “I’m marrying you. Not her. Right?”

I didn’t answer.

“You’re the one I love. Not her. Okay?”

Still nothing.

“So can we just go to bed now and forget all about this? I’m exhausted. And I think I ate too much.” He ran his hands over his torso one last time; put his arm around me; looked worried. “Do you think my weight will go up?”

I rested my head against his chest; closed my eyes for a few brief seconds. His heart beat beneath his sweater, slowly, steadily into my ear. At that particular moment, there was something oddly comforting about the question. It was familiar; intimate; the fact that he’d asked it implied that everything between us was still certain, that nothing had changed.

We shut the lights off and climbed the stairs in the dark, leaving the kitchen’s mess until morning. Yet as we did, I could almost feel a change in air pressure:

Those Evil Twins; that old Gloom and Doom—they were all back, lurking in the shadows again.

16

That Monday morning, after Adrienne had gone back to New York and Donald back to school, everything should have returned to normal. Only it didn’t. Sitting motionless at the kitchen table, I tried to take Gayle’s advice and start focusing on my life with Donald again.