Chapters (29)
- HER BENNY
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- Contents
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- Preface
- Chapter I - Brother and Sister
- Chapter II - Addler's Hall
- Chapter III - Roughing It
- Chapter IV - A Friend in Need
- Chapter V - "Oh, Death! What Does Thou Mean?"
- Chapter VI - In Which Benny Makes a Discovery
- Chapter VII - Two Visits
- Chapter VIII - In Which Joe Wrag Has a Vision
- Chapter IX - Tempted
- Chapter X - In the Woods
- Chapter XI - Benny Prays
- Chapter XII - Fading Away
- Chapter XIII - The Tide Turns
- Chapter XIV - A Glimpse of Paradise
- Chapter XV - A Terrible Alternative
- Chapter XVI - An Experiment
- Chapter XVII - Perks Again
- Chapter XVIII - Adrift
- Chapter XIX - The Border Land
- Chapter XX - Life at the Farm
- Chapter XXI - An Accident
- Chapter XXII - Recognition
- Chapter XXIII - The Question Settled
- Chapter XXIV - The Reward of Well-Doing
And Joe went out, and heaped more fuel on the fire by way of diverting his thoughts from a subject that was always painful to him. But when he came back and sat down again, and the fire before him blazed up with fiercer glow, the thoughts returned, and would not be driven away.
"Bless her!" he said. "She sees in the fire only woods, an' meadows, an' mountains, an' streams; an' I only see the yawning caverns o' hell. An' to think I must burn in a fire a thousan' times bigger an' hotter than that for ever and ever without a single moment's ease; scorching on every side, standin' up or lyin' down, always burnin'! No water, no light, no mercy, no hope. An' when a million million years are past, still burning, an' no nearer the end than at the beginnin'. Oh, how shall I bear it—how shall I bear it?"
And big drops of perspiration oozed from his forehead and rolled down his face, testifying to the anguish of his soul.
"I canna understand it—I canna understand it," he went on. "All this pain and suffering for His glory. What kind o' glory can it be, to bring folks into the world doomed aforehand to eternal misery? to give 'em no chance o' repentance, an' then damn them for ever 'cause they don't repent! O Lord a mercy, excuse me, but I canna see no justice in it anywhere."
And once more Joe got up and began to pace up and down in front of the fire; but the thoughts would not leave him. "'Whom He did foreknow,'" he went on, "'them also He did predestinate.' Mighty queer, that a Father should love a part o' His fam'ly an' hate the rest. Create 'em only to burn 'em for ever an' ever! An' what's the use o' the burnin'? That bangs me complete. If 't was to burn away the dross an' leave the metal, I could understand it. I think sometimes there's jist a bit o' the right stuff in me; an' if hell would burn up the bad an' leave the good, an' give it a chance of some'at better, there 'ud be more justice in it, seems to me. But what am I a-saying? It shows as how I'm none o' the elect, to be talking to myself in this way. What a wicked old sinner I be!"
And once more Joe sat down with a jerk, as if he meant to say, "I'm not going to be bothered with such thoughts any more to-night." But alas! he found that thoughts would come, whether he would or no.