Neither of us mentioned Glencarnagh, and my father, and the fact that Aidan had been hunting his friend to bring him back for an accounting.

“I’d never leave you behind,” I said.

There was a long silence, and when I glanced up, wondering why he had not spoken, I saw a strange look on his face. “What?” I asked. “What’s wrong?” for he had gone pale again, as if he’d seen something that frightened him more than a vision of death.

Cathal shook his head as if to clear it. He would not meet my eye now. “Nothing,” he said. “Clodagh, if the offer of help comes again you must take it. Don’t trouble yourself with me. I’ve seen what a great capacity for sympathy you have. For impossible causes. Like Becan. Like me. If you get a chance of guidance, take it immediately and forget about me.”

I stared at him in shock. “But . . . Cathal, I need you with me. To keep me safe; to guard Becan; to—”

“If these folk want you to achieve your quest, they will keep you safe,” he said, and his tone set a distance between us. “They will provide all the guards you need. I’m not doing a good job, Clodagh. I mean, look at us.” His gaze went around the dark forest, taking in the exhausted baby, our wet clothing, the shadows that seemed to creep in on us from every side. “When we fell into the river I lost hold of you. You can’t swim. I thought you had drowned. And before that, when the stones rolled, I thought I would find you crushed underneath or broken at the foot of the cliff. You owe me absolutely nothing. I’m no good to you. I’m no good to anyone. Especially in this cursed place.”

“Don’t say that!” The words burst out of me, a fierce protest. Before I could think too hard, I leaned toward him and slapped him across the cheek, hard enough to make a red mark. I didn’t like doing it, but at least the shock that filled his eyes was better than that forlorn, hopeless look. “Now we’re even,” I said. “Don’t you dare give up on me, Cathal. I need you. I want you here with me. I don’t care if you get things wrong and make mistakes; I’m making plenty of my own. I’m tired, I’m cold, I’m terribly afraid. I can’t go on without a friend.”

For a little he just looked at me, and I could not tell what was in his mind. Then he said, “Are you telling me that if this guide reappears you’ll say no again?”