Contents ( 47)
- HEARTLESS
- The Parasol Protectorate: Book the Fourth
- GAIL CARRIGER
- Acknowledgments
- PROLOGUE
- P Is for Preternatural
- CHAPTER ONE
- In Which Lady Alexia Maccon Waddles
- CHAPTER TWO
- Wherein Alexia Will Not Be Flung
- CHAPTER THREE
- Matters Ghostly
- CHAPTER FOUR
- Where Tethered Specters Meet
- CHAPTER FIVE
- The Lair of the Octopus
- CHAPTER SIX
- In Which Mrs. Tunstell Proves Useful
- CHAPTER SEVEN
- The Werewolves of Woolsey Castle
- CHAPTER EIGHT
- Death by Teapot
- CHAPTER NINE
- In Which the Past Complicates the Present
- CHAPTER TEN
- Ivy’s Agent Doom
- CHAPTER ELEVEN
- Wherein Hairmuffs Become All the Rage
- CHAPTER TWELVE
- Formerly Beatrice Lefoux
- CHAPTER THIRTEEN
- The Octopus Stalks at Moonlight
- CHAPTER FOURTEEN
- In Which Lady Maccon Mislays Her Parasol
- CHAPTER FIFTEEN
- Where Dirigibles Fear to Tread
- CHAPTER SIXTEEN
- A Clot of Vampires
- CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
- In Which We All Learn a Little Something About Prudence
- extras
- meet the author
- introducing
- Contents
- BY GAIL CARRIGER
- Praise for The Parasol Protectorate Series
- Copyright
“And your solution is to build a ruddy great octopus? Really, Genevieve, don’t you think you might have overreacted?”
“The OBO is on my side.”
“Oh, are they really? Now that is interesting. That plus taking in former Hypocras members?” Alexia was momentarily distracted by the need to give birth. “Oh, yes, husband, I meant to tell you this. It seems the OBO is developing an antisupernatural agenda. You might want to look into—“ She broke off to let out another scream. “My goodness, that is uncommonly painful.”
Lord Maccon turned ferocious yellow eyes on the inventor. “Enough. She has other things to attend to.”
Genevieve looked closely at Alexia. “True, that does seem to be the case. My lord, have you ever delivered a baby before?”
The earl paled as much as was possible, which was a good deal more than normal given he was holding on to his wife’s hand. “I delivered a litter of kittens once.”
The Frenchwoman nodded. “Not quite the same thing. What about Professor Lyall?”
Lord Maccon looked wild-eyed. “Mostly sheep, I think.”
Alexia looked up between contractions. “Were you there when Quesnel was born?”
The Frenchwoman nodded. “Yes, but so was the midwife. I think I remember the principles, and, of course, I’ve read a good deal on the subject.”
Alexia relaxed slightly. Books always made her feel better. Another wave washed through her and she cried out.
Lord Maccon looked sternly at Madame Lefoux. “Make it stop!”
Both women ignored him.
A polite tap came at the door. Madame Lefoux cracked it open.
Floote stood there, his back stiff, his expression one of studied indifference. “Clean cloth, bandages, hot water, and tea, madam.” He passed the necessities in.
“Oh, thank you, Floote.” The Frenchwoman took the items gratefully. After a moment’s thought, she rested them on top of the comatose Biffy, since he was the only vacant surface. “Any words of advice?”
“Madam, sometimes even I am out of options.”
“Very good, Floote. Keep the tea coming.”
“Of course, madam.”
Which was why, some six hours later, Alexia Maccon’s daughter was born inside the head of an octomaton in the presence of her husband, a comatose werewolf dandy, and a French inventor.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

In Which We All Learn a Little Something About Prudence
Later on, Lady Maccon was to describe that particular day as the worst of her life. She had neither the soul nor the romanticism to consider childbirth magical or emotionally transporting. So far as she could gather, it mostly involved pain, indignity, and mess. There was nothing engaging or appealing about the process. And, as she told her husband firmly, she intended never to go through it again.
Madame Lefoux acted as midwife. In her scientific way, she was unexpectedly adept at the job. When the infant finally appeared, she held it up for Alexia to see, rather proudly as though she’d done all the hard work herself.