I did not know what Cousin Pinalippy’s birth object was because Iremonger boys and Iremonger girls were taught and lived separately. We did not dine in the same room, we saw each other only out in the heaps. We did not know each other’s birth objects but always there were attempts to discover them, to reveal who the cousin really was. Sometimes it was obvious: poor Cousin Foy had been given a ten pound lead weight at birth (Sal), so she never moved very fast, for she must always carry her weight with her, and once Cousin Bornobby managed to tug out the hot-water bottle cover (Amy Aiken) from poor sickly Cousin Theeby to her absolute distress and shame. For ever afterwards she was always known, as if Bornobby had taken every bit of clothing from her, her privacy gone for ever. He was given such a thrashing for that. Afterwards, Cousin Pool, who was to marry Theeby – Pool had a foot pump (Mark Seedly) – felt that there was nothing for him to look forward to any more, that his life was in ruins, because Theeby had been so compromised.

On the day of the Sitting the betrothed are to show each other their birth objects. The thought of seeing Gloria Emma Utting filled me with certain dread. So to Tummis I went for a shoulder to lean on, but when I got there I discovered he needed comforting of his own. I found Tummis, moist about the nose and eyes, in his room. Moorcus had been there before me and all his beloved creatures were gone. Tummis had a roach in his lap.

‘They missed Lintel here,’ he said, ‘and that’s something.’

They had missed Lintel, but every other creature had been dispersed or smitten. There were a few telltale smearings on the floor, but most of all Wateringcan, Tummis’s precious seagull, a black-legged kittiwake to be specific, had escaped out of the room and was missing somewhere about the house.

‘Oh, my Wateringcan!’ Tummis groaned.