‘That’s something to hold onto, isn’t it, Pin?’

‘Pinny, I shouldn’t let go of that in a hurry.’

‘Yes,’ she said, ‘you’re right. I’ll hold on tight,’ and saying so she squeezed my hand till I thought it should be nothing but pulp. ‘He’s mine!’

I couldn’t see Lucy.

‘How did it happen, Clod, so early? Was it a surprise, did you know all along?’

‘Grandfather,’ I stammered, ‘Grandfather gave them me.’

‘Grandfather!’ they cooed. ‘Grandfather himself!’

‘Yes,’ said Pinalippy, ‘very proud.’

How, how I wondered, might I pull myself from this, and where had Lucy gone?

‘You’re a dark horse, my Clod Iremonger,’ said Pinalippy, stroking one of my trouser legs.

There Lucy was! Not so far away either. Bandaging.

‘Uncle Aliver,’ I said, ‘I do believe that Uncle Aliver needs my help. He was waving to me just now. I’ll be back with you ladies, by and by.’

‘Ladies,’ said Theeby, ‘he calls us ladies.’

‘Clod,’ said Pinalippy, ‘you are to come right back as soon as you are done, is that clear?’

‘Yes, Pinalippy, crystal.’

‘Be swift then, I shall be missing you.’

I started towards Uncle Aliver whose hands were very crimson, he had just taken some shards of porcelain from out of some family member or other. I hoped very much to steer from him before getting too close and thus make my way back around the room to Lucy, then to use the authority of my trousers to get her free, but Liver saw me and he did wave me over.

‘Clod, Clod, do you have a steady hand?’

‘A little wobbly actually, Uncle, I’m rather nervous. My head, you see, it hurts chronically. There are so many noises inside it, trying to shout each other out. I can barely hear you at all.’

‘This before me,’ said Aliver, ‘is your Uncle Idwid, he’s been very punctured. Many things have flown into him, as if they were aiming for him most particularly. A quantity of china have I plucked from his chest, there was a whole tea service for all I reckon all about him, sticking in. And what’s more a tea strainer cut into his left ear as if it was attempting to burrow itself inside.’

‘Poor Uncle Idwid, he does indeed appear much perforated. Is he awake, Uncle? Is he sensible?’

‘The Governor was in such an agony and making such noises of discomfort that I thought it sensible to put a little chloroform on some wadding to have him passive as I removed the china and stitched him up. But he shall be with us again very soon, I am sure. Indeed, Clod, he is stirring now.’

Uncle Idwid shivered a little upon the dining room table, his scratched hand reached out to the nasal clippers that lay beside him. His broken eyes remained closed, but his mouth opened a crack to whisper, barely, ‘Hayward … is it … Hayward?’