Karen grinned too. ‘Surprisingly similar to Fethering, actually. If I thought there’d be less volume of gossip up here, I was wrong. Everyone chattering away about everyone else all the time.’

‘And we, of course,’ said Chrissie, ‘supply endless gossip-fodder. And behind it all is that great looming eternal question: “What do lesbians do in bed?”’

‘To which the answer,’ said Karen, ‘is mostly read books and listen to Radio Four.’

‘Unglamorous but true.’

‘But basically, Karen, you like it up here?’

‘Love it. Maybe part of it’s the company.’ The two wives exchanged looks.

‘My neighbour Carole believes that people “in the North” are always popping in and out of each other’s kitchens, making each other cups of tea. Like something out of Coronation Street … not of course that she’s ever compromised her middle-class eyeballs by watching Coronation Street.’

‘I suppose it is a bit more relaxed socially,’ said Karen.

‘Less class-conscious?’

‘Don’t you believe it, Jude. Ilkley is always about who gets invited to whose parties, who’s a social climber and that kind of thing.’

‘But, of course, for us,’ said Chrissie with mock-loftiness, ‘Ilkley is only a staging post.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes. A staging post on the way to the nirvana of Hebden Bridge.’

‘Hebden Bridge where they have all the flooding?’

‘Floods are not Hebden Bridge’s only claim to fame. Didn’t you know, Jude, it is also the Lesbian Capital of the UK.’

‘Is it really?’

‘Yes.’ Chrissie nodded. ‘I think we should move there as quickly as possible. Whereas Karen feels …’

Karen screwed up her face. ‘I think it’s a bit obvious. I don’t think one should be too stereotypical.’

‘Heaven forfend,’ said Chrissie. ‘You and me – stereotypical!’ And they both collapsed in giggles.

Chrissie recovered first. ‘But enough of this idle banter. Jude, I know what Karen’s really desperate to hear is the latest bulletin from the front line in Fethering.’

‘Nothing much changes there,’ Jude responded, ‘as she well knows.’

‘You still got the Fethering healing franchise sewn up?’ asked Karen.

‘I seem to have plenty of work. More than I can cope with, really. And there is a new kid on the block called Jeremiah, who’s keen to set up some kind of centre for a lot of therapists to operate out of the same premises.’

‘That kind of thing can work very well,’ said Chrissie. ‘Particularly for people who’re just starting out. When I first qualified, I was attached to a centre like that in Wetherby. It was very good for me. I got lots of tips from the more experienced therapists. And when I screwed up completely … well, there was always a shoulder to cry on.’

‘But, please,’ said Karen, ‘I need more Fethering goss. I’ve been starved of the stuff. So … no juicy murders to preoccupy you and Carole?’