Pure make-believe. And I go right through the roof. All my American outrage comes up about being deceived like that by a bunch of sleazy Frogs.

But she was Norwegian.

She was in cahoots with them! And there’s no way in hell I’m paying fifty bucks for a bottle of shit wine I never ordered. I didn’t have fifty bucks anyhow. So, something in me completely flips out. I break out of this neck hold the guy’s got me in and I start spitting and snarling at them, hurling insults, calling them cowards, and I challenge them both to a fistfight up on the street. I mean I could barely stand up, let alone throw a punch. I had to keep one eye closed just to stay focused on them and I’m spitting and drooling all over myself.

Charming. I’m sure the French were impressed.

Yeah, well even through the booze and my one sort of delirious eye I could see that these two guys were absolutely terrified of me.

Insanity’s always alarming.

Yeah. I could see it in their eyes. They thought they’d tangled up with a complete wacko. So that only incites me to go further with it. I start screaming and ripping my shirt, smashing the wall with my fist—

Were you having emotional problems back then?

No—I mean no more than normal. I was just outraged by the whole thing.

And ever since then you’ve carried this grudge against the French?

Pretty much so, yeah.

Just from this one little incident, you condemn an entire culture?

Yeah, I guess so. It wasn’t so little at the time.

Wouldn’t you say that’s extremely narrow-minded of you?

Especially considering you were shit-faced drunk; couldn’t speak the language and had no business engaging in conversation with a hooker to begin with?

I had no idea she was a hooker! I took her at face value.

And all the while your innocent young girl is waiting for you back at the hotel, reading Proust and thinking you’re out for a little stroll through the streets of Paris.

It wasn’t Proust, goddammit! It wasn’t Proust!! It had nothing to do with Proust. Why do you have to keep hammering away at that! What the hell is wrong with you anyway! It wasn’t goddamn Proust!!