“He had every right. Sullivan was dead. I should have saved him. I should have sent the other squad to hold the perimeter. Should have taken his place myself. Realized what combat outpost we’d been called in for. I should have held his wound tighter. Had them transfuse me immediately. I should have shot him in the fucking foot the minute he decided to enlist. There are a million things I could have done and a million things I did do that more than earned me that pine box we buried him in.”

“Camden, stop.”

“Still think I did everything I could have, Willow? I sat there and let the love of your life bleed out all over me.”

“You didn’t.” The words were as weak as I felt, and the icy hand of fear wrapped around my throat, waiting for Camden to make me clarify that statement.

“I did. And you think you want these hands”—he held them palms out—“on you? The same hands that reached inside Sullivan and felt the life drain out of him?”

“That’s not fair.”

“News flash. None of this is fair. None of what’s happened to you is fair, and you deserve someone better.”

My head snapped like I’d been struck. “Better? How can you possibly say that?”

“Jesus, you need more? When he died, I was jealous as hell that he got to see our mom first. She was the only person who loved me just as much as Sully or Xander. I was jealous of my dying brother! And angry. So angry!”

“That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Ring.

“Oh yeah? I was angry at the world. Angry at that asshole with the gun on the other side of the wall. Angry that Dad let him enlist. Angry that Xander sat in a cushy office while I held Sullivan. Angry that you hadn’t talked him into staying with you.”

I blanched. “I know.”

Ring.

“No, you don’t. I was most angry at Sullivan, because he had the right I would have died for and never even used it. Because when he passed, it was Mom’s name on his lips, when I knew mine would have been yours.”

I sucked in air on reflex, but every other muscle in my body stilled. Someone pressed the pause button, and we stood suspended in a moment when not even my heart dared to beat.

Ring.

“What?” Camden shouted into the phone.

My heart pounded. My head felt light, almost detached from my body. I stumbled backward until I felt the counter and then shamelessly used it to keep me upright when my knees threatened to give out.

“When?” His gaze darted to the clock on the wall. “Shit. I’ll be there in seven minutes.” He hung up and left the kitchen without another word, making a beeline for the garage.