They climb the steps.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

They tap at the door like woodpeckers on a dead tree.

We don’t move or speak. Manie waits.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

The knocking is louder.

She nods at me. I turn the doorknob, open the door a crack and see two whites standing there with their fake smiles. I look at them and they look at me.

“Don’t be afraid…” they say.

I wonder what I’m supposed to be afraid of.

“We’ve just come to see how everything is going. Open the door!”

They push on the door gently but firmly. I let go and the door opens. They come in together, shouting heartily, “Hello, everyone, we —”

The two men stand there with their mouths open, as if they’re about to swallow a big fly. They crane their necks and look around. They stand there pale, wide-eyed, their shoulders slumped.

Then they turn slowly on their heels and walk out without even shutting the door.

Manie rocks back and forth and chuckles to herself.

• • •

What amuses us Indians the most is when we can take someone by surprise, catch them off guard. Especially the whites. They aren’t used to our sense of humor. Sometimes they’re so astonished that words fail them!

And then we just laugh away quietly to ourselves.

8

AT NIGHT, I stay up very late. I wait until I’m completely exhausted. Then I collapse onto my mattress fully dressed and cradle my head in my arms.

I’m terrified of not being able to fall asleep, of not being able to stop the nightmares and the memories from flooding into my head. I don’t want to remember. I just want to sink into sleep like an anchor dropping down into the deep water.

At night the reserve turns into a living hell. Even when I cover my ears I can hear the cries of frightened women and children. I hear drunken men screaming in rage and despair. I hear gunshots splitting the darkness and I am frozen with fear.

Why doesn’t someone do something?

What can anyone do?

Things are moving too quickly here. The elders say that the reserve is possessed by the devil. As for the people from the ministry, they pretend that everything will be back in order soon. The Mounted Police only come during the day when things are nice and quiet.

Today I get up at dawn. It’s the calmest time of the day. The light chases away the evil spirits, and the partyers are still asleep. I pour myself a cup of warm, sugary tea and grab a piece of bannock from the kitchen counter. Then I sit on the top step of the porch and look out.

In front of me there’s the gravel road. Between the two houses across the street, I can see the silvery water of the lake.