‘Blimey, you don’t fuck about, Tommy, not even: “How are you, Lucky?” You always were a direct twat, weren’t you, Tom?’

‘Sorry, Lucky, I’ve had a few bad days. And it’s really urgent, as in life-and-death, so what do you reckon?’

‘Just teasing, mate. A new F-Pace? Big old security on them, but where there’s a will there’s a way, me old china. You want to drive away or just get in the motor?’ asked Lucky.

‘I just want to get in the car without setting off the alarm.’

‘Easiest way is to use a signal jammer. You need to be close by: when your man locks the car, you jam the signal from the key and the car won’t lock. The only problem is if the car makes a noise or your man notices. You also won’t be able to lock the car afterwards,’ Lucky said, warming to the task. He was proud of his expertise in vehicle theft, something which Tom always found amusing.

‘That’s not ideal; I need to lock up afterwards.’

‘Can you get hold of the key? ’Cos if you can then I could clone it and you could do whatever you want with it then.’

‘I don’t want to, it would take too long and would be too risky.’

‘In that case, I’d use a roll-jam. It’s a Jag so it will use a rolling radio code for every press of the key fob.’

‘I’m assuming that has nothing to do with sandwiches. Come on, man, I’m busy,’ said Tom, a degree of levity in his voice.

‘It’s a lovely bit of kit. It’s basically three radio transmitters in a box which you hide on or near the car while your owner is away. When he returns and blips the lock, it won’t work because one of the transmitters has jammed and simultaneously recorded the signal. When he presses it again, thinking there’s a glitch, it will lock or unlock as normal and he won’t think a thing about the unsuccessful blip. What he won’t know is that you have an unused code stored in the roll-jam that you jammed which you can use at any time. It won’t start a Jag, but it will get you inside and you can lock up afterwards,’ Lucky said, unable to keep the glee out of his voice at his own perceived genius.

‘That sounds perfect, Lucky. Can you get your hands on one?’

‘Depends on the usual, Tommy-Boy: what’s in it for old Lucky D?’

‘My eternal gratitude and the knowledge that I owe you one.’

‘Chuck in a ton and it’s a deal, as long as I get it back afterwards.’