His mouth met mine again, and I became lost in the world that was his lips, his body, once more. It was so nice, so easy, to have this time to take all my worries away, to feel nothing but warmth and love in a way that hadn’t existed for years. It physically ached, knowing the danger we were going into, knowing that we both were going to have to face someone who caused us unbearable harm. We could survive it together, I knew that too, but I wished we had time to enjoy one another like we were now. It wasn’t even sex that I wished for; his company and my head on his chest and his smell surrounding me, his steady breath and large body that never failed to make me feel shielded and safe. He was all I needed to remain calm in the chaos.

It was a good while later before we finally rose and dressed again. I stared at myself in the mirror. I was different. Healed from trauma but with cracks still running beneath like invisible veins. I turned my body to the side. I didn’t recognize myself. Was I human? Goblin? Something else entirely now that I held the power of the stag? I was used to being forgotten, used to sharp edges. I used to be smaller too, back when I ate as little as I could. It was jarring enough to make me wonder if I was even at a proper weight.

I turned to Soren frowning. “Am I still me?” I blushed when asking the question. Was this vanity?

“Of course. The same Janneke I fell for,” Soren said as he slid into his clothing. “You were always malnourished before. A bunch of your bones jutted out so that sometimes I thought they’d break the skin. You are stronger now. You eat better. Still not enough, but better. You’ve never lost your spirit.”

“I know it’s dumb, but I feel almost … bad about my weight,” I said softly.

Soren sighed. “I wish you could see what I see, but I know that’s impossible. I know telling you you’re beautiful won’t help much either. But you are. And I’m positive you’ll see it one day when your mind is no longer trapped.”