Soren bowed his head. “Something happened to me when the Nidhogg ripped my eye out. I don’t know if it was venom or because of where we were or what, but I … It felt like this thing wiggling in my brain. A shadow I couldn’t get away from.” He clenched his hands and the hard muscles in his arms stood out. “And you’re right. I felt sorry for myself. I felt like I was no longer worthy of anything. I grew up mastering swords and daggers, and while I’m not the archer you are, I could do it fine too. I grew up being told that was my worth, my strength. And then suddenly, I couldn’t wield any weapon or even walk straight, and the whispers that slithered around in my head got darker and darker.”

He sat and I sat beside him, backs against the boulders. “They told me to hurt you, Janneke. They told me I needed to kill you in order to get my strength back, and the worst part is some primal part of me craved strength at whatever the cost, and the moment I entertained it for even half a second, I knew I needed to leave. I couldn’t bear to say what was happening to me.”

Some of the fire that filled my body burned away as I clasped his hands. “You would never hurt me. I know that more than anything else in the world. You should have told me about it, told one of us.”

Soren made a pained sound. “I was going to, but then…” He shook his head. “I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but I got jealous. I was in the back of the line needing Seppo and Rose to help support me, and meanwhile you were by Lydian’s side, and I know it didn’t mean anything. I know the pain he caused you. But that vicious little voice kept pushing the idea further and further to the surface.”

Maybe some part of me should’ve felt offended or disgusted by that insinuation. But if Soren was right about the voice inside his head and knowing it was wrong but not being able to change his thoughts no matter how he tried, I could bring myself to a cold understanding.

“And so you left?” I asked.

“I left. I felt like I had to. Something was lingering in my gut, there were the worms in my head, and I was useless. It was like watching myself slowly decay. So, I got up and followed the urge to walk.”

“And?” I asked.

“Yggdrasil,” he said. “I don’t know what or who exactly was leading me there, but that’s where I arrived and then passed out on the roots and bark, and when I woke, my mind was clear again, my scar stopped hurting, and I felt amazingly stupid for everything I did.”