The banter, the comments, the insults thrown easily back and forth like a … like a family, gods, how I missed that. Squabbling with my sisters, the time I got to spend with them, even if it was doing a chore I didn’t particularly like and wasn’t very good at. I would take this part life. I would take it forever.

Just give me another day, I thought. Just one more day of this. Please. I’ve never known this peace.

But that night, I found something hard under my pillow—an iron knife. Escape this world by iron. I gripped it in my hands, forcing back the tears in my eyes that threatened to spill over.

Soren came over to me, already in his bedclothes—which consisted of a light pair of pants—and any other time, I’d stare at him, but this time something inside me felt like it was breaking. I didn’t want to leave this light and happy world. I couldn’t. It wasn’t a trick more than any other universe the roots held within them were a trick, and maybe if I stayed here, then Ragnarök would never come. Inwardly I knew that wasn’t how it was going to happen, but gods did I want it to, practically needed it to.

There was some comfort. A version of me would remain here after I was gone. This was one of the many simultaneous paths happening all at once, after all. Jealousy struck me like a brand at the luckier version of me, so soft and calm and safe.

But this version of me wasn’t made to be soft and calm and safe. It was meant to be a bloody fighter who stood even with both legs broken, who fought even with no more breath, and who brought balance to the chaos that controlled the nine realms.

As much as I wanted to, this version of me couldn’t stay here.

“What’s wrong, little heart?” Soren asked, his head against my shoulder as his body cradled mine.

“I don’t want to go,” I whispered, voice cracking. “I don’t want to go and yet I have to go.”

He turned me to face him, pushing some of my hair behind my ears. “You don’t need to go anywhere, little heart. Why would you think you have to go somewhere?”

“You don’t understand!” I sobbed, gripping the knife in my left hand with a pained expression. I just want this moment. Just this moment, please. Just this love.

“Shhh.” He quieted me down, his forehead pressing against mine, his nose rubbing against mine. “You’re here, you’re safe, you don’t have to go anywhere. Breathe and lie here with me, okay? Breathe and lie here with me.”

Escape by iron. Prove you are worthy of Hel’s favor. Kill him and escape by iron.