Taylor’s computer monitor, which normally sat neatly on the desk in the corner, was lying smashed in the centre of the room. There was a huge rent through his watercolour of the Aberdeen skyline, and there was paper everywhere. There was also a strong smell of cloves.

‘Where are you?’ I snarled. I marched over to the rug in the middle of the room and picked up one of the cushions from the sofa. It appeared to be stained with some sort of icky brown liquid. ‘You better have wide pockets,’ I shouted. ‘Because you’re going to have a hell of a dry cleaning bill!’

As threats went, that was hardly going to have a thug quivering in his boots. I had to do better. ‘You lily-livered guttersnipe! Come out and show yourself!’ Nope. That wasn’t much of an improvement.

Just then there was a thump. I froze and slowly lifted my eyes to the ceiling. There was another thump and, as I watched, a crack appeared in one corner of the plasterwork then snaked its way across. Okaaaay. Upstairs then.

Trying not to be terrified at what sort of creature could cause structural damage so easily, I balled up my fists. Bring it on.

I thumped over to the stairs. I wasn’t going to cause any cracks to appear but at least I could make myself sound unafraid. ‘Show yourself!’ I yelled.

A strange rumble reverberated through the house. I swallowed hard. That didn’t sound good. Before I could place one foot on the bottom stair, a vast shadow appeared. There, directly above me, was a monstrous dark shape. I couldn’t make out any features but, whoever he was, he was possibly the largest being I’d ever seen in my life. It was a wonder he’d ever made it up the narrow staircase. No doubt this was Taylor’s Wild Man then. The only saving grace was that I couldn’t see any sign of the aforementioned gun.

I ignored the rapid flutter of my heartbeat and frowned upwards. ‘I’m guessing you like to disco,’ I called up. ‘Because you’re doing a bloody good impression of the boogieman.’

For a moment there was silence, then I heard a tiny wheeze. Was that a good or a bad thing? ‘You like jokes?’ I asked. No response. I took a deep breath. ‘What does one penny say to the other penny?’