‘I know how these things work,’ I told him. ‘I ask for money and the next thing I know I’m receiving compensation for having my leg chopped off in a freak accident. I’ve read the stories. Everyone’s read the stories.’

He pouted. ‘You’re no fun.’

That stung. ‘You know what the psychiatrist said to the genie, right?’

Bob looked at me suspiciously. ‘What?’

‘That his feelings were all bottled up.’

He deadpanned me. ‘I don’t get it.’

I thought about explaining and then decided against it. Life was too short. ‘Look,’ I said, ‘jump back into the let— I mean the dagger, and I’ll take you back to where I found you. You can give the banker his wishes instead.’

‘Whoa! Hold your horses, Uh Integrity! I don’t want to go back there!’

I waggled my eyebrows. ‘Well, you’re certainly not staying here.’

‘He’s never once cleaned the blade. I’ve been trapped inside that thing for years! I can’t go back to that.’ Bob got down on his knees and clasped his fingers together, holding them up beseechingly in my direction. ‘Don’t make me!’

‘So what do you suggest?’ I said. ‘I’m certainly not going to pass you along to someone else so they can get burned by wishing for stupid stuff they don’t need.’

Bob gazed at me with an air of unmistakable desperation. ‘I take back what I said before. You’re obviously very smart for a Sidhe. Let me stick around. Even if you don’t use any of the wishes, I’m sure I can still help you.’

‘First of all,’ I said, ticking off my fingers, ‘I don’t need any help. And second of all, I’m not really a Sidhe.’

His brow furrowed. ‘Of course you are.’

‘I’ve renounced my heritage.’

Bob threw back his head and laughed. ‘It doesn’t work like that, you stupid…’ His voice faltered mid-sentence. ‘Oops. I didn’t mean that.’

The washing machine suddenly groaned as it switched gears. Shaking dramatically, it began its inexorable path across the kitchen floor. Bob, alarmed, jumped about a foot in the air. ‘A monster!’ he yelled. ‘Don’t worry, Uh Integrity! I’ll save you!’

Good grief. How long had he been stuck in that letter opener? ‘It’s not going to hurt you. It’s just a machine.’

His eyes went wide and saucer-like. ‘You mean it’s a robot?’ he whispered.

I hissed through my teeth. ‘No. I’m going to bed. If you’re going to stay here then don’t touch anything. I have to get some sleep.’

‘But it’s morning. Why do you have to go to bed in the morning?’

‘Sometimes I work nights,’ I said shortly. I waved a finger at him. ‘And I meant what I said. Don’t touch a damn thing. I’ll decide what to do with you later.’