He didn't answer her directly; he only stared at the big blue star in the viewscreen and said: "Let's vote on it."

The vote, of course, was four to one against changing the settings on the course board, and Ham Tayeh never got from in between Sam and the board until we had passed light-speed on the way home.

The trip back to Gateway was no longer than the trip out, but it seemed like forever.

17

It feels as if Sigfrid's air conditioning isn't working again, but I don't mention it to him. He will only report that the temperature is exactly 22.50 Celsius, as it always has been, and ask why I express mental pain as being too hot physically. Of that crap I am very tired.

"In fact," I say out loud, "I am altogether tired of you, Siggy."

"I'm sorry, Rob. But I would appreciate it if you would tell me a little more about your dream."

"Oh, shit." I loosen the restraining straps because they are uncomfortable. This also disconnects some of Sigfrid's monitoring devices, but for once he doesn't point that out to me. "It's a pretty boring dream. We're in the ship. We come to a planet that stares at me, like it had a human face. I can't see the eyes very well because of the eyebrows, but somehow or other I know that it's crying, and it's my fault."

"Do you recognize that face, Rob?"

"No idea. Just a face. Female, I think."

"Do you know what she is crying about?"

"Not really, but I'm responsible for it, whatever it is. I'm sure of that."

Pause. Then: "Would you mind putting the straps back on, Rob?"

My guard is suddenly up. "What's the matter," I sneer bitterly, "do you think I'm going to leap off the pad and assault you?"

"No, Robbie, of course I don't think that. But I'd be grateful if you would do it."

I begin to do it, slowly and unwillingly. "What, I wonder, is the gratitude of a computer program worth?"

He does not answer that, just outwaits me. I let him win that and say: "All right, I'm back in the straitjacket, now what are you going to say that's going to make me need restraint?"

"Why," he says, "probably nothing like that, Robbie. I just am wondering why you feel responsible for the girl in the planet crying?"

"I wish I knew," I say, and that's the truth as I see it.

"I know some reality things you do blame yourself for, Robbie," he says. "One of them is your mother's death."

I agreed. "I suppose so, in some silly way."

"And I think you feel quite guilty about your lover, Gelle-Klara Moynlin."

I thrash about a little. "It is fucking hot in here," I complain.

"Do you feel that either of them actively blamed you?"

"How the fuck would I know?"

"Perhaps you can remember something they said?"