Boiling my time with Khell down to serotonin and dopamine created a bittersweet ache in my chest. It didn't cover the whole scope of what had happened, what had changed in me, but it was also a simpler version with a hopeful conclusion. My world would tip right side up again. My heartache would ease, and in the wake would be…maybe an amused acceptance for my lightning strike attachment to Khell'ar.

"When's Harry out of the coach house?" Natalie asked.

"Tomorrow morning, if he isn't already. But yeah, I'd like to stay with you a bit." I was wobbly, and tears kept springing to my eyes. And since I'd already been through the shockingly embarrassing experience of letting Theo smell orc cum all over me, the most uncomfortable moment had probably already passed.

"Would you do it again?" Natalie asked.

I opened my mouth to give an immediate yes, but Natalie rushed ahead.

"Not the whole hiring someone thing, but like, the role-play? Getting tied up? Chased?"

And for some reason, the answer stalled now. Without Khell? Was it easier to offer him that trust because I'd signed dozens of documents and received dozens of assurances? Or because he'd looked into my eyes in that dungeon and seen me, known what I needed, what to demand of me?

That was his job, I reminded myself.

"Yes," I said, because that was the truth. Now that I knew myself in this way, I wouldn't lock these interests up again. "But I think it'll be hard to replicate. MSA makes sure clients feel really safe, and they have a lot of precautions in place."

Not that I'd used any of them when I was with Khell.

"Were you ever scared?" Natalie asked.

I took a third or fourth handful of body wash and started working gently at my thighs again. They were probably clean by now, but the phantom sensation of Khell still remained.

"Only at the beginning, and that was mostly just about whether or not I would regret the booking." I hummed and then smiled to myself. "Maybe a few other times, but that was because it was what I wanted."

Natalie cackled in answer. "Gosh. I'm so proud of you. And kind of jealous. Not for the sexathon, that sounds exhausting, and anyway, who would take care of Emmett? But like, I feel like I'm gonna have to talk to Theo about upping our game."

I snorted. "Competitive much?"

"Um, yes. You know me. I'm very competitive. Also, orcs aren't the only ones who like to hunt."

I grinned and took a final rinse. I did know Natalie. And now she knew me a little better too. I was surprised by how easy it was to tell her everything I'd done, everything I'd asked for. I'd been keeping those fantasies a secret, ashamed of myself. And for what?