“That’s okay.” She flopped beside me on her back, and bumped her forehead against my shoulder. I told myself I was a jealous bitch. “You don’t apologize to friends.”

We hadn’t tried to have sex since then; it just didn’t come together. When she told me she was going away, in January, I think she resented me for not having more of a reaction. We’d just come from the Women’s March and were tucked into a Starbucks, drinking Frappuccinos, sweaty and coming down off the high of our anger. A sign someone had handed Harry was wedged in next to our bags on the floor. It said “We don’t have time for denial” in blocky green letters. I was so tired I could barely lift my head. On a list of symptoms I’d written to show my psychiatrist, I had scrawled, “When I’m around other people I don’t feel real.” When we made papier-mâché sculptures in elementary school art class, and they had you paste the paper and glue over a balloon, and then pop the balloon. That was something like the feeling, like whatever was usually under my skin had all gone out at once. “So,” Harry said, and kicked the base of the table, “I got into the University of Michigan.”

My stomach rocked briefly, a boat going over a rough wave. I think I said, “I’m glad you’re going somewhere with seasons.”

Once we shoved our dirty clothes into our suitcases, I went to check us out and Harry snuck Emily Dickinson back to the car. Between Portland and Glacier National Park we had a couple days of just driving, scenic route. I asked Harry to find somewhere other than the cup holder to put her stupid cactus. My arms were longer than hers and I was worried about shoving my elbow into it. She ignored me. After hours of plains, there was something breathless about the mountains we passed into. The clusters of trees, from even a little distance, were like crumpled velvet. I could smell lake water. Harry looked up from her phone and said, “This guy on Reddit threw out all his girlfriend’s clothes and replaced them.”

I laughed. “Holy shit.”

“The internet always makes me feel better about how shitty I am at relationships.”