‘Gawd,’ someone exclaimed, ‘another one? There’s about fifty divorces laid on in the battalion already. What’s your ol’ woman do to you, Charlie?’

‘Jacked me in for a civvy. I got home; no one there, no furniture, nothing. Chased around. Got a line from the neighbours. In the end I found her in a furnished room in Acton.’

The other corporal let him brood for a moment, then asked, ‘What she say, Charlie?’

‘Said she was in love; she couldn’t help it. I asked her what about trying again with me: I was fond of her, you know. She said no, she couldn’t, and she started crying. I was in a terrible state. I could ’a cried myself. I kept on with her, and then she got hysterical. She started shriekin’ at me. She said she was glad I’d gone away. If I hadn’t she’d ’a been a faithful wife all her life an’ never known what a real man’d be like.

‘I said: “What d’you mean, Sal?” She stood there shriekin’ with laughter at me, and she said this new chap she was with was a man, not half a man.’

‘Well, I just clouted her, and left her on the floor crying, and I went off after the other chap. I never even stopped to ask her about the furniture.’

‘You should ’a killed the cow,’ said someone.

‘Shut up,’ said the other corporal. ‘Go on, Charlie.’

‘Gi’ me a fag, Len,’ said Shuttleworth. ‘Thanks.’ He lit up.

‘Well, I met this other chap comin’ out a work. He wasn’t a badlookin’ bloke. Shorter than me, square-cut like. Smooth pink face. Had his hair plastered down. Nice double-breasted blue suit. A clerk he was, a proper toff.

‘I pulled him down a side street, an’ I said, “Why don’t you leave my missus alone?” He said he was sorry, an’ they loved each other. He said it was bigger than them. I said, “Don’t gi’ me that!” I told ’im if he was a man and I was half a man, why wasn’t he in uniform? He was unfit. How’s that for a laugh? I told ’im to put his fists up, an’ he said he was sorry again, he didn’t want trouble. He said, “Look here, can’t we be sensible about this?” I told him to put ’em up and have a go with half a man.

‘Anyway, in the end I started in on ’im. I spoiled his blue serge suit, all right. I give him half a man. I left him on the floor.

‘Then I went an’ stayed roun’ my mother’s. I thought they’d have the police on me for bashin’ him, but they didn’t. Must ’a been my wife. She always was afraid of scandal.