I peeked out around the Christmas tree and saw that the snow was still falling, but it was lighter. Everything was covered to the point it looked like Antarctica outside. Man, I had no idea how long it was going to take them to clear the roads up here, or even if the plows could get out now.

Moving around the house, I checked the doors and windows like I had OCD. Everything was fine—locked and secured. As I headed down to the garage for firewood, my brain replayed everything like it was stuck on the Syd channel.

In the early morning hours and in the silent house, I couldn’t believe last night had happened. Cursing as my feet hit the ice-cold cement of the garage, I hurried around the SUV and snowmobiles and gathered some of the dried-out logs. Shoes would’ve been smart, dumbass. That was how bad my brain was stuck on her. Fuck, when she’d said the “love” part, I was completely lost in her.

I had been lost in her for a while now.

It wasn’t like my feelings for her were new, or that I’d discovered them when I had my mouth on her or when she blurted out that half-finished sentence. Shit like that didn’t happen. Maybe some people woke up one day and fell in love. Not me. This had grown over a period of time, kicking off when she’d gone out on her first date with Nate. Till this day, I still remembered that bitter bite of jealousy when she’d told me she was dating him. Before then, I really hadn’t understood how I felt for Sydney. Fuck. We’d still been kids in a lot of ways, and I was just discovering the happy, happy times to be had with the opposite sex.

Not until after Syd had told me that Nate had ended things had I realized the extent of what I felt for her. Because I hadn’t been sad or upset—I had been glad. I had felt relief. That alone made me so undeserving of Syd, but it was the truth. I was a bastard. Still was.

I knew that moment, while we stood outside the science building on campus, that I loved her. Not in the best-friend kind of way. Not in the almost-like-a-little-sister kind of way. I loved her in a way that transcended those things. And I was in love with her.

None of that had changed anything. My feelings for her were just something I didn’t acknowledge. I refused to let it grow into something more than a yearning that couldn’t be quenched. People did that all the time. I was just one of many.