Looking at the slight sadness in his expression, I got an idea. “Can you … can you take that away? You take other kinds of pain away.” A tiny bubble of hope rose through the horrible, heavy despair inside of me. “You … you could just make it black, and when we wake up, we’ll be okay. Maybe you could do that. Because I—” My voice cracked as the reality of what had happened broke over me again. “I’m not sure I can—” I ducked my head so that he wouldn’t see the tears start to fall. “I’m really sorry. I can’t do this.”

He nudged my chin up with his fingers. “You can.”

“Find another Guard. Put Henry in charge. Please.”

He smiled, nearly blinding me. “This conversation is sounding remarkably similar to the one you had with Jim not thirty minutes ago, isn’t it?”

“I don’t want to think about the fact that you’re listening to every freaking word I say,” I snapped.

The smile didn’t fade, so I directed my attention out the window until he let go of my chin. “You’re smart enough to recognize the parallel, Lela. Jim didn’t think he could handle this mission, and you told him he needed to take responsibility. Malachi is now confronted with his very worst fear—as a victim of the wholesale slaughter of his people, his family, all of them innocent, he is now himself responsible for the death of an innocent child. And yet he is determined to do his job.”

I leaned back, wanting to scream in Raphael’s face. Malachi was determined to do his job, all right. And I had interfered with that, and he had pushed me away without hesitation, totally calm as he crushed my heart. “Yeah, his dedication is admirable.” And it was, really. It just hurt more than I could bear.

“So is yours, Lela.” He pulled a phone out of his pocket that was identical to mine. “I figured you’d need this. And if you give me your keys, Henry and I can fetch your car when he returns.”

“Is that my cell?” I asked as I dug in my pocket for my keys. “You got it from the Mazikin nest?”

He shook his head. “But I knew you’d need a new one—”

It buzzed. Raphael handed it to me. My new phone had just gotten a text from Henry:

They set the nest on fire cops here people everywhere no idea who to follow

“Goddammit!” I shouted as the phone vibrated in my hand with another text from him.

Orders?

I texted back: Come home. Then I tossed the phone onto the coffee table. “Do you want to revisit the notion that I’m actually capable of being the Captain?” I snarled at Raphael. “Because everything I try seems to explode in my face.”

Raphael chuckled. “Then you should do better.”