“It won’t change my decision.”

I took a step toward him. He backtracked. “You’re blaming me for this,” I said.

“No. I’m the only one at fault. Ana warned me that I was making mistakes because of you, and I ignored her. But as I think back, I realize how right she was. Especially now.”

It felt like he’d landed a rock-solid kick to my gut. I nearly doubled over with pain. “What?” I blinked fast to hold back tears. “You said you were doing the right thing …”

“I thought I was almost ready to get out of the dark city,” he said roughly. “Then you arrived, and I was stupid enough to believe it was meant to happen, as if this was my reward after all those years of service. So I let go of everything I knew because I thought I didn’t need it anymore. I let my emotions rule me completely.” He laughed bitterly and raked his hand through his hair. “I actually thought I could be with you, that we could go into the Countryside. And when we were sent here, I was still telling myself we could be together, still holding on to all those wishes for a future.” He bowed his head, not letting me see his expression. “I have been such a fool.”

“N-no. We’re not a mistake.” It came out broken, little more than a squeak. “This is a good thing. We’re a good thing. We can figure this out together. We can fight for that future. We don’t have to—”

“Don’t,” he whispered, holding up his hand. “Please don’t.”

“You love me,” I breathed. “You can’t just … stop.”

“I can,” he said softly. “I have. What happened today was too much.”

“And you could let it go this easily. Just like that.” My vision spotted and sparked as the truth of my words hit me. He had let it go that easily. Why would I even question it? It wasn’t like this kind of thing hadn’t happened before. I’d simply forgotten how little I was worth. I leaned on the desk, needing something to hold me up. “Okay. I get it.”

“You obviously don’t,” he said, so quiet I barely caught it.

“What?”

He shook his head like he was trying to clear it. “This isn’t about you,” he said, an edge creeping into his voice. “This is about me, and our mission. If I’m focused on you, I can’t do it. I’ll keep making mistakes. I can’t be what you need if all I want is—”

“I’ll do better,” I pleaded, unable to accept what was right in front of me because it was too painful. “I won’t go charging into places alone. I won’t—”