He rubbed a hand over his face. “It shouldn’t have mattered. It was what I deserved anyway. But I was so selfish, and when they attacked Bomani …” He trailed off, and then met my stare. “I let them kill him. That’s why I’m here, Captain.” He swiped his sleeve over his eyes. “Happy now?”

I stared at him, somehow knowing everything rode on my reaction to this horrible revelation. He’d stood by and let another Guard die, which made me feel sick. But I remembered what Malachi had said about the importance of forgiving Henry for his past and believing in him now. And hearing the agony in Jim’s voice … I knew I needed to at least try. “Jim, I need you to tell me the truth, not what you think I want to hear, okay? No bullshit.”

He shot me a wary look.

“If you could do it over again—knowing you’d be punished—”

“In a heartbeat,” he whispered. “I relive it every night, every day. I’d stop them. I’d let them kill me if that’s what it took.”

“Then take this chance, Jim. Stay sober. Follow orders. Help us keep more people from dying. You were chosen for this mission for a reason. I have to believe that. I don’t think the Judge makes decisions randomly, and this is no exception. Which means we need you, or we’re going to lose.”

He hadn’t looked away. In fact, he was staring at me with this desperate look in his eye. “But what if I—”

“We all make mistakes. And some of them are really bad,” I said in a husky voice, hearing the shower switch off upstairs. “But that doesn’t mean we’re allowed to use those mistakes as excuses. In fact, doing that makes them even worse. If you want to honor Bomani, then you need to do your job here on Earth. If you want his death to mean nothing, then go to the Wasteland. It’s up to you.”

He sat down quickly like he had no more energy to stand. “You actually want me to stay?”

“Honestly? I don’t know. You could have gotten us both into a lot of trouble last night. And I’m pretty sure you tipped off the Mazikin that we’re here, hunting them. But like I said, I have to believe you’re here for a reason. Otherwise, the Judge would have sent you straight to the Wasteland, right? Why give you a choice at all?”

He frowned.

From upstairs, I heard the sound of Malachi’s door closing. I sighed. “If you’re willing to do this job, I’m willing to give you a chance, but expect your leash to be short. Let me know what you decide. I have to go upstairs and talk to the Lieutenant.”