When Malachi and Laney started to make plans to go to the computer lab during their free period, my legs moved by themselves, carrying me out of the cafeteria, past Evan “Dirty Jeans” Crociere, who was handing a baggie to a pimpled stoner; past Greg leaning against the wall, texting it up on his shiny iPhone; past Jillian and Levi, sneaking in a make-out session behind the double doors; and out into the cool air in front of the school. I sucked it in, driving the scream down deep.

“Slow down, Lela, wait up,” Ian shouted as he came through the doors, leaving them to crash shut.

I jolted to a stop, glancing with longing at my car. There was no way I could leave now. Nancy the probation officer would be after me in a second, accusing me of truancy or worse. Ian drew level with me. He clutched his juice in one hand and a sandwich in the other. Mayonnaise was smeared in the crease between his thumb and pointer finger. He held up the food and chuckled. “Want to have a picnic?”

It was such a lame invitation, but unless I wanted to go back inside and watch Malachi flirt with Laney, I didn’t have any other options. We trudged over to the low wall that separated shrubs from concrete and sat down, facing the Aden memorial. I rolled my apple in my hands. “How are you doing?”

He sighed. “I don’t know.”

“I’m sorry, Ian. I know it hurts.”

He turned to me, his chestnut-brown hair falling over green eyes full of sadness he seemed too young to bear. Green eyes that reminded me a little of Nick’s, that tugged at my heart. “I know you understand,” he said. “You were close to Nadia.”

I swallowed hard. “Yeah.”

“Two of them within a month.” He blinked and bowed his head. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know. Nadia had issues for a long time. She tried to hide them from all of us, and finally she just couldn’t deal with them anymore.”

“Do you think it was that way with Aden? Do you think he’d been feeling this way for a while?” He cursed under his breath. “I was his best friend. I’m supposed to know that kind of thing, so I don’t know why the hell I’m asking you.”

He glanced down at his sandwich, cursed again, and tossed it into the garbage bin a few feet away. “Sorry,” he muttered. “That was an asshole thing to say.”

I twisted the stem off my apple. “No, it wasn’t. You said it because it’s that confusing. Because it doesn’t make sense.”