I stepped away from Isaak, my shoulders shaking. I could hear it, now—the raindrops falling into the slow-moving creek, making tiny splashes. The air smelled wonderful, like cool, damp earth. I couldn’t take it. I could feel water streaming down my cheeks, not just from the rain. It was like the opening of the clouds cut me open, and now the tears wouldn’t stop coming.

“Nadin, what’s wrong?” Isaak said.

I swallowed, trying to find my voice. “It’s too much. How is this real? How can this be…” I trailed off, looking up at the dark clouds, letting the cold raindrops soak my face.

I turned. Isaak had come up behind me, and now my face was level with his shoulders. I couldn’t look up at him. My eyes focused on nothing as I said, “You know, earlier, Gitrin…” I took a shuddering breath, and started over. “I always was afraid of this. How I feel right now. I was afraid of being weak. The geroi never show their emotions. They’re always calm, always poised. Perfect. I thought the reason Gitrin told me I wasn’t ready was because I couldn’t keep myself together. I wasn’t a real leader—I was too angry, or too scared, or too sad. Just volatile. But tonight, Gitrin said”—I sniffled, wiping my face off with the back of my hand—“she told me that wasn’t it at all.”

“There’s nothing wrong with having emotions, Nadin,” she’d said to me, gently squeezing my hand. “It’s natural. The sterile world of the geroi, that’s what’s unnatural. That’s what I wanted you to see. What I was testing you for. If I used the geroi’s own standards, you were ready at your enilikin. But I don’t think you really want to be just like everybody else. You have the potential to be a great leader, to really help Iamos. Our people deserve for you to live up to your full potential.”

My eyes stung with fresh tears. “But I don’t feel like a leader, Isaak. Especially now.” I ran a hand through my damp hair, looking down at the ground. “All I feel is scared.”

Isaak put his hand on my shoulder. I froze, then finally dared to look up at him. His mouth was pulled up into a crooked smile, one that made my heart beat inexplicably off-kilter. “Come on, Nadin,” he said, gently brushing my shoulder with his thumb. “You’re putting too much pressure on yourself again. Stop worrying so much about what might happen. Just take it one day at a time.” He grinned at my expression and swiped at my cheek playfully. “Besides, you don’t have to do any of this by yourself. You’ve got Gitrin, and Eos and Marin. Everyone in Elytherios. And…” He hesitated, then said, so quietly I could barely hear him, “And me.”