She liked the thought of that, of Ethan down in the city daydreaming about her and Lincoln and their little home.

“You’re a wonderful mom. Our child adores you. I do too. I’m sorry for not helping out more around here. Work is insane right now, Marlow is up my ass, and I’ve unloaded some of that on you. That isn’t fair.”

“No.” Sadie nodded, and thought about asking why he changed his cellphone code but she didn’t want to pop open a fresh can of worms, especially when they’d finally reached a fragile peace. “And I know I’ve been taking a lot of my stress out on you. I’m sorry too.”

“Work is killing me right now, but it won’t be forever.”

“Do you think it’ll get easier? This whole parenting thing?” Sadie touched her stomach. “Maybe we’ll do better on our second try?”

Ethan tapped the light out and settled into his sleeping position. “It’s all going to be okay.”

She wanted to believe him, even more than that…she wanted to be sure of him. That he had her back. That she had his. Some days might feel like trench warfare, but they were fighting on the same side.

“Do you think you’ll get in trouble?” she asked. “For not going down to Boston tonight?”

“I’ll survive,” he murmured.

She tapped her foot to his, their old signal, a sign that she was in the mood. Sex wasn’t a Band-Aid, but she craved closeness. Maybe with Ethan inside her, they’d feel whole again.

But he didn’t reply—he’d already fallen asleep, officially ending the conversation.

This was one of his dubious superhero skills. No doubt a coping mechanism to end conflict. Or maybe he really was just that exhausted.

She rolled over and pulled the sheet up around her neck. They’d said all the right things, apologized for the ugly words, and yet the entire interaction hadn’t quite closed the gulf.

Sadie stared at the framed prints above the dresser, lit in the moonlight.

NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY

ALWAYS KISS ME GOODNIGHT

They were wedding gifts from her college friends and not exactly her taste. Especially in a moment such as this one, when they felt mocking. She wasn’t mad. Not anymore. But she wanted everything to feel like it used to, back when they first fell in love and everything seemed perfect. Those days were over, but perhaps there could be a new kind of perfect ahead.

She closed her eyes, but tired as she was, couldn’t drift off.

What if all that waited for them was a slow coast downhill until one day they hit the cliff of no return?

With Ethan snoring quietly, she slid out of bed and crept downstairs. It was only ten. She made herself a mug of chamomile tea, and after grabbing a chenille blanket, curled up on the sofa. She turned on the TV and scanned through the Netflix homepage, clicking by various shows and movies.

Nothing seemed like it could hold back her anxiety. Not even Queer Eye.