*

Here,

wait a minute,

hold on a second here,

see if you know this one:

how many Irishmen

does it take

to change a light bulb?

two:

one, to hold the light bulb

two, to drink till the room spins.

*

Now the whole room was spinning and this guy, who I’m not kidding looked exactly like Tommy, this guy whose wife we have tied up at a secret location, is holding my head and feeding me water. Sure, you’re alright, he’s saying to me, it’s just a wee dizzy spell. You’ll be right as rain, he’s saying, all of this stuff to raise the dead. I start to get a bit of sense about me and I can see that Tommy is agitated. He’s looking at this guy and he’s freaked out because the two of them are almost the mirror image of each other. Tommy starts making excuses. He takes these fits, he says to his doubled image, I’ll just get him back up the road. Do you want me to shout youse a cab? his double says to him. He’s looking nervously and in amazement at Tommy who is looking nervously and in amazement at himself. No, you’re alright, Tommy says to this mirrored double, I’ll get him home fine on my own, pal, he says. Sorry about that, pal, I says to this double, I just took a funny turn, I says. What were you guys after, anyway? the double says to us. Then he says something weird.

Are you guys from Control? he says to us, and the three of us stop and look at each other for a second, like that. Then: what’s Control? Tommy says to him. I thought you might be able to tell me, the double says to him, and then he doesn’t say another thing because this big hole opens up in the air between us and we’re all looking down into it like, vertigo.

Tommy says to him, we’re looking for the Tarzan comics. You got any Tarzan comics? The guy looks relieved or confused or probably both. Sorry, he says to us. I’m sorry about that before, just there, he says. Where? Tommy says. Just then, he says. About what? Tommy says. Earlier, the double says. Tommy says nothing. Okay, the double says. Understood, he says. Then he goes into this whole big fucking spiel. We got this Tarzan comic, we got that Tarzan comic. And here’s me thinking there was just one fucking Tarzan comic. Is it in colour? Tommy says to him. Is there one that’s in colour? Tommy says to him. A collector, are you? the double says to him. Just starting, Tommy says. Just getting the lay of the land, he says to him, and he presses the back of his hand to his forehead and he opens up his palm, as if he’s staring straight into the sun.