Your man Del Brogan is going on tour, Mack says to us, what about that? We’re having a lunchtime drink at The Shamrock. Me, Barney, Mack and Fat Tam Fisher aka The Dark Destroller, is what everybody called him, on account of his laid-back ways, and this fella Jimmy The Grunt. All he ever did was fucking grunt. As uncouth as get out. Tommy must be turning in his fucking grave, I says to Mack. What are you talking about? Mack says. Tommy was his manager. Tommy thought he was a real talent. Fucking listen to that record they put out; it’s a stone-cold fucking classic. It should have been Tommy that was going on tour, I says to him. Tommy should have been on the London stage, never mind this fucking punk rock comedian with his Rod Stewart disco numbers. Hey, Mack says to me, easy. Your man Del Brogan’s brand new. Where did this cunt even come from? I says to him. Your man Del Brogan? Mack says. What’s with all the questions? Mack’s sitting there with his fucking long hair. He’s got a badge on that says Hawkwind. The fuck is Hawkwind? Barney says to him. Hawkwind’s a fucking group, you prick, Mack says. A fucking black nightmare, my friend. Sonic attack, he says to him. Barney’s staring at him all confused, like. The fuck is a sonic attack? he says to him. It’s like a bomb made up of sound, Mack says. That’s what you sit at home and listen to? Barney says to him. Aye, Mack says. They’re fucking hip. Are they Huns or are they Tims? Barney says to him. What?! The fucking Hawkwinds. Are they Huns or are they Tims? How in the fuck would I know? Mack says. What, Barney says to him, you don’t check to see whether they’re Huns or Tims before you submit to a sonic attack from them?

Have youse heard that U2? The Dark Destroller says, interrupting the both of them. My boy’s into them, they’re Tims alright. Was Perry Como a Tim? Mack asks Barney. You can bet your damn fucking life Como was a Tim, Barney says. He was a good Catholic. Never drank nor swore. Plus he was always faithful to his wife. I thought Como was a Jew, Mack says. Don’t fucking start this, I says to them. Como was never a fucking Jew, Barney says, he sang all those religious songs. All those religious songs in the fucking Hebrew, you mean, Mack says. He probably did that because that’s what they speak in Hollywood, Barney says. Who speaks in Hollywood? Mack says to him. The Jews, Barney says. That’s what the Jews speak in Hollywood, so if you want to get right in there, you need to please the right people and press the right buttons. Have you ever seen a Hollywood movie? Mack says to him. Are any of them in fucking Hebrew? I’m talking behind the scenes, Barney says. Don’t get fucking smart with me. Besides, he says, Como’s Italian. You trying to tell me that’s the home of the Jews? The Jews don’t have a home, Mack says. That’s the whole point of Israel. Exactly, Barney says. The Jews are exactly like the Catholics. So as even if Como was a Jew, he was as close to being a Catholic as you can actually be without getting permission from the Pope himself.