Thing is, now there was a vendetta on and people were getting popped all over the place. It was Barney that told us about it. He’s in the shop with Beavis and this new wee bird when we get back, this new wee bird that he says he met at a comics fair and that looks like the wee bird from Scooby-Doo with the glasses. She’s sitting behind the desk pricing up the rare comics for him.

How much fucking money did you make at that comics fair? Tommy says to him. We’re in the back room and Barney is cooking a steak over a gas burner for his lunch. Look at the size of that fucking sizzler, Tommy says to him. Where’s all the money coming from? Don’t worry, Barney says to him. You’ll get your share. But considering I’m the one doing all the work, as well as bringing in the outside expertise, I feel I’m due for a substantial bonus. Would you take a look at that, Barney says, turning this charred black steak in the pan. Cooked till it’s nice and tender, he says. What a moron.

What’s the story with the wee bird? Tommy says to him. Just then Beavis walks in. She won first prize in the cosplay competition, Beavis says. I think it was the first time I ever heard him speak. What the fuck is cosplays? Tommy says to him. It’s dressing up as your favourite superhero, Beavis says, and he picks up a bundle of comics and goes back next door. I had to laugh. Don’t tell me it was fucking Wonder Woman, I starts to say, but before I can get a jab in Tommy cuts me dead. You’re the one that was boasting about getting your cock sucked by Red Sonja and now it’s all a fucking joke to you, is it? he says. Obviously he was touchy about Wonder Woman, so as I says nothing. Who was she dressed as? he says to Barney. Tell me she wasn’t going as Conan the Barbarian, I says to him.

What about Supergirl? Tommy says. Naw, says Barney. Think again. Spider-Woman? Batgirl? Wait a minute, I says to him, Catwoman? Naw, Barney says. All wrong. Well, tell us then, I says to him, tell us who she was. She was fucking Robin, he says to us, that’s who she was, and he pushes past us with this fucking burnt steak to a crisp that he has stuck between a pair of baps.

Who the fuck is Robin? Tommy says to me but then I’m like that, what, wait a minute, Robin is fucking Batman and Robin. Tommy looks at me in amazement. Our jaws are on the floor. That’s quite hot, actually, Tommy says. And so it was.

*