‘Adrian said if the nest-parenting custody arrangement works, then we should buy a two-bedroom unit or an apartment and each keep one bedroom for our weeks without the kids.’

Hayley wrinkled her nose. ‘Sharing a house with your ex-husband? I can’t think of anything more unappealing.’

‘Me either. But I don’t plan on having an ex-husband. I’m hoping Adrian will soon come to his senses.’

‘What?’ She slammed her glass down on the coffee table and champagne splashed up over the edges. ‘You’d actually take him back after he sows his wild oats all over town?’

As much as I loved her, I wished she wouldn’t say things like that. ‘I made vows.’

‘So did Adrian, but he doesn’t seem too concerned with them right now.’

Hayley would never understand my stance on this—we could argue till we were blue in the face and neither would ever be able to convince the other. She came from the home of two happily married parents and took the situation for granted. She had no idea what divorce could do to people.

‘Maybe this will be a blessing in the long run,’ she added. ‘You’ve always been way too good for my brother and if he can’t see how good he’s got it, then he doesn’t deserve you.’

‘I know you’re trying to make me feel better,’ I said, ‘and I appreciate that, I really do, but I’m not ready to give up on my marriage. On my family. Now, I’m going to get us some cheese and crackers—this alcohol is going to my head.’

Hayley followed me into the kitchen, still sipping on her drink as I organised a round of brie, some gouda and my favourite crackers onto a plate.

‘You know,’ she said, ‘who’s to say any other women will be lining up to sleep with him anyway? Not all of us fairer sex are as crazy as you.’

7

If I’d thought my first week at home without Adrian was bad—lying in bed alone while wondering what he was getting up to and with whom—my first week without the kids was a special kind of hell.

While Hayley did her best to distract me, there were long hours alone each day, and sometimes evenings as well when she was working or off having drinks with some other friend or colleague. She invited me out with her, but I wasn’t in the mood and didn’t want to cramp her style. Hayley frequented sophisticated bars and clubs, whereas my nights out with the school mums usually consisted of a movie and dinner at the kind of restaurant that closed by 9 pm.

During the long nights as I tossed and turned, thoughts of my children haunted me. I worried especially about Payton, who I still read to every night and often lay with until she fell asleep. I’d spoken to them on the phone of course—at least half an hour each night with Payton and a stilted thirty seconds or so with Saxon—but it wasn’t the same as being with them. I worried about what they were eating, what they were watching, whether they were showering and brushing their teeth, wearing clean clothes, getting enough sleep, and prayed to God Adrian was making Payton do her reading and spelling homework.