“It’s dangerous, Holly. Real dangerous, like an addictive drug. Only worse.”

“I guess I never really thought about it like that before. I have snipers under my command. Two of them are in that sedan ahead of us. All our SWAT members are cross-trained.”

“Don’t ever ask them what you just asked me.”

She waited.

“They’ll resent it.”

“Do you resent it?”

“I don’t work for you.”

Holly said nothing.

“Your guys may have a totally different take on it. They don’t do covert field ops where the exit from the shooting position is a concern.”

“You won’t like my next question.”

He waited.

She looked over. “Did you like it?”

“And I thought your first question was tough. May I assume you aren’t just morbidly curious? Then the answer is both yes and no. But not in the way you’re probably thinking.”

“And that is?”

“That I liked everything but the actual killing. The trigger pull.”

“Are you saying you liked it?”

“No, I didn’t.” Nathan knew she was waiting for him to explain his yes-and-no answer. “I loved the exit after the shot. The thrill of being chased, of knowing everyone was hunting me.”

“And that’s the part you liked? It scares me just thinking about it.”

“I’m afraid so. I never felt so alive. So… I don’t know… exhilarated, I guess.”

“Did Harvey feel the same way?”

“No, just the opposite. Harv hated the exit. He liked the insertion and tracking. But not the killing. Neither of us got off on that.”

“You and Harvey are pretty close.”

“Sometimes I think we share a single consciousness. He can read my mind and I can read his. Like the look I gave him before we left. I didn’t have to say a word, he just knew I wanted to ride with you alone.”

“I envy you, being that close to someone.”

They rode in silence for several minutes, the glow of Sacramento growing with each mile they traveled toward the city. In the dim moonlight, mature oaks loomed like giant mushrooms.

Holly broke the silence. “You think we’ll find Ortega’s grandson at the cabin?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised. Or at least evidence of his interrogation there. They needed an isolated place for that. They couldn’t use their compound knowing it was probably under surveillance.”

“If he’s there, at least his family will get closure. It has to be horrible not knowing.”

“After meeting with Frank Ortega, I’m pretty sure he believes his grandson is dead. I saw it in his eyes.”

“It takes a special kind of personality to work undercover. I don’t know how they do it. The constant stress of being discovered and having to act like one of them. It would be like waking up every morning with a gun in your face. I couldn’t handle it.”

“Me either,” he said.