If bureaucracy hadn’t gotten in the way of Berni seeing Howard’s body before he was cremated, none of this would be happening. “All right, Berni.” Arguing with her was futile, and Piper reached for her yellow pad. “Let me ask you a few questions.”

Berni gave her a smug smile. “You look very nice today, by the way. You should wear lipstick more often. And it almost looks like you combed your hair. You have beautiful, shiny hair, Piper. I know that eggbeater haircuts are fashionable now, but a nice pageboy would be more feminine.”

“Seriously, Berni, have you ever known me to give a crap about being feminine?”

“Well, no. But men seem to like you anyway. Not that you pay much attention. I still can’t believe you’re thirty-three years old and you’ve never been in love.”

“Freak of nature and waste of time.”

“Love is never a waste of time,” Berni asserted. “I’ve been wanting to ask... Are you a lesbian?”

“I wish.”

“I understand. Women can be so much more interesting than men.”

Piper nodded in agreement. She trusted her girlfriends a lot more than she’d ever trusted a boyfriend in the days when she’d still been interested in having a boyfriend. But this conversation wasn’t helping Berni get past her delusion. “Exactly when did you see the cheesehead guy?”

“Howard! And it was September fourth. Exactly sixteen days ago. It was game day for the Packers. I’d come out of the bookstore, and there he was. Sitting on a bench in the plaza watching the pigeons.”

“And wearing a foam cheesehead...”

Berni’s smugness vanished. “That’s what I can’t understand. Why would a Bears fan like Howard wear a cheesehead? I could have understood if he was wearing a Stars hat. He liked the Stars almost as much as the Bears.”

Considering the fact that Berni believed her husband had come back from the dead, his choice of headgear didn’t seem as though it should be the primary question. “Did he see you?”

“He sure did. I called out his name. ‘Howard!’ He turned, and all the blood drained right from his face.”

Piper clicked her pen. “You were close enough to see that?”

“Maybe it only seemed that way. But one thing I do know... He recognized me, because he got up right away and ran off. I tried to follow him, but with my hip, I couldn’t catch up.” Her face crumpled. “Why would he do that? Why would he run away from me like that?”

Piper dodged that question and posed another instead, one she would ask if this were a legitimate case. “Were you and Howard having any marital troubles while you were on the cruise?”