“Like I’m in my coffin. You call that respectful? Jumping in front of me to open doors... running out to get my newspaper in the winter because you think I’m too old and weak to get it for myself... You think I don’t see what you do, but I still have eyes. Piper doesn’t behave like that. Neither does Jen. Is that respectful?”

Amber’s mouth closed on its way to its next sentence. Jen laughed.

Somebody had to be the grown-up here, and Piper figured she was it. “Amber,” she said with forced patience. “Berni doesn’t hate your guts because you’re Korean...”

Berni protested. “What does Korean have to do with anything?”

“She hates you because you were brought up to be respectful of your elders,” Piper said. “Which she is.”

“That was unnecessary,” Berni sniffed. “And I don’t hate her.”

Piper gave Berni a sickeningly sweet smile. “Berni is too old to change her ways, and too inarticulate to have explained what’s been bothering her, so from now on, don’t do another considerate thing for her. Matter of fact, treat her like crap. Then maybe she’ll appreciate you the same way Jen and I do.”

“I don’t know why you’re saying all this,” Berni grumbled. “Amber’s a smart girl. She knows.”

“I didn’t know!” Amber exclaimed. “How could I?”

Berni’s mouth arranged itself in something approaching a pout. “I don’t like feeling old.”

“Good,” Piper said, “because you’re acting like a five-year-old.”

Amber’s proper Korean upbringing once again reared itself. “Piper, you shouldn’t say—” She caught herself and took a deep breath. “Berni, from now on, you can get your own newspaper.”

Coop sauntered through the open door. He glanced from the women to the body on the floor. “Is he still alive?”

“No idea,” Piper said, and then, “Don’t you ever sleep?”

“Did you check his pulse?”

“I don’t care enough.” Piper looked around her. There were now four uninvited adult people jammed into her tiny living room, one teenager still asleep in her bed, and a comatose pop idol on her floor. “Everybody get the hell out of here!”

“Grouchy,” Coop observed.

Berni bustled toward his side. “Cooper! Mr.Graham! I was hoping I might see you. I have a pound of homemade divinity in my car. I was going to leave it with Piper, but now I can give it to you personally.”

Logan chose that moment to roll over, look up at all of them, and gag.

Jen was the closest, but she was too late with the bucket.

Long seconds ticked by before Coop looked over at Piper. “Yeah...” he said slowly. “I should probably give you a raise.”

Berni pressed both hands to her cheeks in delight. “Oh, Piper! I just love your life.”

***