Public figures developed lots of little tricks to make formal occasions more tolerable. One of Nealy’s favorites came from Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth. When she wanted her aides to rescue her from a boring conversation, she simply switched her handbag from right arm to left.

“I want to go to a mall.”

Where was that handbag when you needed it? “Why don’t you listen to your Walkman?”

Lucy tossed down the bag of chips. “I’m sick of that. I want to do something fun.”

“Do you have a book to read?”

“I’m not in school. Why would I read a book?”

Mat smiled. “Yeah, Nell. Why would she want to do that?”

Books had been Nealy’s most faithful companions as a child, and she couldn’t imagine anyone not enjoying reading. She wondered how parents entertained children when they traveled. Although she was the First Lady of the United States—the symbolic mother of the country—she had no idea.

“Would you like to draw?” she asked.

“Draw?” It was as if Nealy had suggested she entertain herself by playing with a dead rat.

“Do you have some crayons? Colored pencils?”

She snorted and continued picking at her toenail polish.

Mat shot Nealy an amused glance. “It’s the millennium, Nell. Crayons and colored pencils are old-fashioned. Ask her if she wants drugs and a handgun.”

“That’s not funny.”

“It’s funny.” Lucy looked up from her toe. “The first funny thing I’ve heard you say, Jorik.”

“Yeah, I’m a regular Jim Carrey.”

Lucy got up off the couch. “We have to stop. I’ve got to pee.”

“We have a toilet. Use it.”

“Forget it. It’s gross in there.”

“Then clean it.”

Lucy’s lip curled with disdain. “As if.”

Mat looked over at Nealy. “Clean it.”

Nealy looked back at him. “As if.”

Lucy giggled and Nealy smiled at the sound.

“Sit down,” he ordered Lucy. “And buckle up. There are belts on that couch. Use ’em.”

She grabbed her Walkman and carried it to the rear of the motor home, where she flopped down on the double bed, shoved the headset back on, and banged her fists against the wall to the rhythm of the music.

“Nice kid,” Nealy said. “I’m sure she’ll do well for herself in prison.”

“If she wakes up the Demon, I’m going to kill her before she can get there.”

Nealy studied him. “I’ve never traveled with kids, but I think you’re supposed to plan frequent stops to keep them from getting bored. Scenic areas, playgrounds, zoos.”

“If you see a sign for a snake farm, tell me right away so I can drop off all three of you.”

“You’re a very cranky man.”

“And you’re awfully cheerful for a woman who only has twenty dollars in her wallet and just had her stolen car stolen.”