“Started out that way, but then I just wanted him dead. I wanted to make him dead. That was inside me. I would have finished him if she hadn’t stopped me. And while I was kneeling over him, while she was holding a hand to her face where it was bleeding and bruised, she told me to get out.”

“Michael.”

“She told me I had no right to interfere. She said a lot of things along those lines, so I got out and left her with him.”

“She didn’t mean it.” How could a mother, any mother, turn on her own child? It was impossible to absorb. “She was upset and afraid and hurt.”

“She did mean it, Laura. At that moment she meant every word. Later, she changed her mind. She got rid of him and pulled herself together. She got together with Frank. But by then, I was gone, and I’ve never really been back. Do you know where I went that night I left home?”

“No.”

“I went to Templeton House. I don’t know why. It was just there. Mrs. Williamson was in the kitchen. She fussed over me, cleaned me up. She talked to me, and she listened to me. She fed me cookies.” On a long breath he rubbed his hands over his face. He hadn’t realized so much of that night was still inside him. “She probably saved my life. I don’t know what I would have done if she hadn’t been there. She told me I had to make something out of myself. Not that I had a choice, or that here were my options, just ‘Boy, you’ve got to make something out of yourself.’ ”

“She’s always had a soft spot for you, Michael.” And he deserved one, she thought now. He deserved comfort and care and understanding. Poor, lost boy.

“She was the first woman I ever loved.” He plucked up another shaft of hay, and to kill the urge for a cigarette, chewed the tip. If he’d had a glimmer of Laura’s description of him, he wouldn’t have been amused. He’d have been appalled.

“Maybe the last woman,” he added. “She told me to go over to the stables, and she went up and got Josh. He and I sat in this place and talked all night. All fucking night. Every time I talked about doing something crazy, he’d steer me back with that cool lawyer logic of his. The next day I signed up. I stayed here in the stables until I shipped out.”

“Here? You stayed here? Josh never said anything about it.”