Sitting in the middle of the mess she cried, cried like she hadn’t before and called Linda a lot of names. Then she spent a sniveling hour finishing the questionnaire.

She gazed one last time at the clearest photo of Linda’s face.

Dear Linda,

Maybe I loved the way you made me feel and not really you. But I felt something for you and it was real. It didn’t deserve to be ignored and forgotten. Even though the time with you was arguably the best thing to ever happen to me, I’m angry and hurt.You better not be dead, because someday I will make sure you know that you broke my heart.

Marissa, moving on

P.S. Please don’t be dead.

At bedtime, her body feeling like lead, she looked at the pale green T-shirt peeking out from under her pillow. She used it to dry new tears, then folded it into the back of her sock drawer.

***

“Marissa, you sound so motivated.” Helena Boxer glanced down at the printouts Marissa had made from her nutrition and exercise tracking program. “You are working incredibly hard.”

“And getting nowhere fast.”

“Plateaus are inevitable but I actually don’t think that’s what’s going on. You’re exercising too often and not long enough. Plus while the weights, stationary cycling and elliptical are good cardio training, they’re only helping you keep and build the substantial muscle you’ve got, not burning fat.”

“But I didn’t have muscle before.”

“Actually,” Helena said with a smile, “you did. You had muscles sufficient to pull your entire body up a flight a stairs. Your muscles were finely toned to do short bursts of heavy effort. Your training at the gym is more of the same. Some of it is even less of the same because only the elliptical isn’t sitting down. So the muscles in your legs and butt that used to carry your entire body around are working a weight machine but only having to move your legs. What you’re doing isn’t challenging enough in the right ways. Tell them to get you off cardio and onto aerobic—slower, longer. You need endurance.”

Marissa made a note. “I spent a lot of money at Take It Off and that feels like a waste too.”

“Actually, programs like Take if Off and other weekly meeting groups are valuable, at least initially. Some people love the support group atmosphere and find it motivating too. But the big benefit is retraining yourself on portion size. I doubt, though, that you’re getting enough protein to sustain your muscle mass. You’re not going there anymore?”

Rolling her eyes, Marissa said, “A couple of weeks ago I figured I could buy a piece of fish, cook it badly and steam some broccoli all by myself.”

“Good for you. You have great snacks, too. Nuts, lean cheeses, reduced fat lunch meats. Don’t be afraid of carbs—”

“They suck up so much of the calories, and so quickly. It’s hard to eat a half a bagel.”

“A good-sized handful of pretzels is satisfying crunching. Look for the fat-free variety. You know, your diet is excellent, but low in protein and I’d say low in treats.” Helena gave her a toothy grin. “That’s right, you need more treats. You’ve learned a habit of moderation. If you can apply it to things you really enjoy, there’s no reason why you can’t treat yourself a couple times a week to whatever tempts you.”