Sam had hoped he wouldn’t notice Gonzo wasn’t in the pit. She should’ve known better. “We don’t know anything, but I’m going to find out what’s up as soon as I can.”

“I’ve noticed he’s been absent a lot lately.”

“He refused to take leave after Arnold was killed, but he’s called out sick a few times, and between you and me, I suspect it’s bottle flu more than actual sickness.”

“So he’s drinking.”

“I think so, and I can’t say I blame him. What he saw, right in front of him... And he blames himself because he let Arnold take the lead to get him to shut up. In the few times I’ve actually gotten him to talk to me, he says it should’ve been him.”

“He didn’t do anything wrong.”

“We both know that, but there’s no telling him.”

“Has he been keeping his appointments with Trulo?” Malone asked, referring to the department’s psychiatrist.

“Yeah, but I don’t see where it’s doing any good. He seems to be getting more withdrawn all the time.”

Malone sighed. “I know. We’ve all noticed.”

“I’ll give him a call and see what’s up today. This is the first time he’s actually failed to show up for a shift without getting in touch with me.”

“You can check on him as a friend, of course, but not as a supervisor.”

“Believe it or not, Captain, I’ve been suspended before, and I know how this works.”

They were nearly to the door when he stopped her with a hand to her arm. “I have to tell you, Lieutenant, that in your place, after what you went through with Stahl, I probably would’ve clocked Ramsey for what he said. But—”

Sam rolled her eyes. “How did I know there was a ‘but’ coming?”

“I want to see you rise through the ranks and be rewarded for your hard work and service to the department. I can almost guarantee that’s not going to happen if you get suspended again.”

Sam thought about that for a second before she replied. “I appreciate your candor, as always, but if I never go any further than lieutenant, I will have done a thousand times better than I ever expected after coming in here with dyslexia and my father’s legacy to live up to. It’s been a great career. I wouldn’t change a single thing, even the stuff that got me suspended, because the first time I got Nick out of it, and the second time I got to deck Ramsey and then listen to him squeal like a baby. Life is good, you know?”

Malone grunted out a laugh. “You’re too much, Holland.”

“I know. You guys tell me that all the time.”